Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Do something everyday that scares you." or something to that effect (I'm too lazy to look up the actual quote). Technically, for me, that translates to "hang out with those huge ass spiders from Harry Potter everyday." And since I'm not down with that I decided to do the second scariest thing on my list; Zumba. 

I have taken one class before and it ended up with me sneaking out and probably heading to either the liquor store or the Krispie Kreme drivethru...or maybe both. But lately I have been on this "well being" kick. And not only do I have to get some biceps but it is time for me to step out of my comfort zone. I think that's why people get so bored with their lives. They get used to the same old routine. There's nothing like a shitload of fear in your veins to get the heartbeat going and your routine shaken up a bit. I signed up for a Zumba and a flexibility class. Oi vey. To  make a long story short if you ever want a visual of me doing Zumba take a spaghetti noodle and make it move in awkward positions and you'll be spot on. 

Along with my spaghetti dancing and trying to bend in ways that are not natural I have also been doing yoga (see; "trying to bend in ways not natural") and a Julian Michaels workout(see; death) but luckily for society and myself I do those  two in the comfort of my own home. I have also been "trying to eat healthier" we'll see how that goes. And I've been starting on a path of "spiritual and emotional well-being (insert snort laughter here). Yeah it sounds lame but I want to feel more connected to the world and to myself. I've been re-reading Eat Pray Love and The Secret. Which you haven't read you should. They're awesome. And I was reading the part in Eat Pray Love where Elizabeth experiences Loneliness and Depression while in Rome. And I realized, I have never really be alone. I'm always with a thought or a sound or a person or a task. Today, for example, I got up, worked out, got ready for work, worked for 7 hours, came home and started dinner. While doing this if I wasn't with a person I had music on or the tv or on the Internet. I never just sit. I never "just be". Just be. Something I say to myself when I start to stress about money I don't need to worry about or worry about a problem that's not even there. It's a saying my friend Mandy taught me. Just be. It means just be here. Just be you. Just be now. So after my dinner instead of cleaning it up right away or getting on the computer or texting my boyfriend, I just sat there. For 10 minutes. Just me. And it was nice. I realized that since Brody and I started dating I haven't been ok being by myself. I freak out. I worry that I'm not doing what I should be doing in the relationship or that one night away is going to ruin my entire relationship. And in that moment of just being with me I realized I have been neglecting the relationship with myself. That's not Brody's fault at all. Since I have been with him he has brought out the best part of me. He has made me better and want to be better. I have just forgotten that he isn't the only person that can make me feel that way. I can make myself feel that way too. So it's just a thing I'm working on. Anyways. I'm not entirely sure how the Zumba thing will turn out but I'll give it a few more sessions til I give it a final decision. Maybe I'll upgrade from a spaghetti noodle to fettuccine. 

Nutella, Barbies and Ri-Ri drivers

Ok. This post is a taaaad random. But oh well. PS: I know it's been like 7 months  since my last post. Life sucks, I don't get paid for this shiz...I'm sorry. Moving along.

So first of all I have found the holy grail in a jar. It is called Nutella. For all you barbarians who have no idea what this beautiful creation is, God might smite you for ignoring his glorious creation. And it's like peanut butter, but not disgusting. It's a hazelnut spread with cocoa and milk and it's WONDERFUL. It will solve all your menstruation problems, not really but it does make it more bearable, well, it won't help with cramps but it's delicious. I have used it with popcorn, pretzels, strawberries, apples, toast, cardboard, one night I had nothing in my pantry but Nutella and in my Nutella haze I considered putting it on my cat. Not really. One of my fabulous volunteers at work, works for a candy distributing company and she seriously brought a crapload of Nutella in, it was better than Christmas...and I friggin love Christmas. 

Soooo next thing. This totally popped into my head when I was driving home from Student Orientation today at SLCC (Go Bruins! Whatever that is..)  Anywho, did anyone have a McDonald's playset for their Barbies? They were so cute! They had a button for the drive thru and cute lil' apple pies. Notice that they never wrapped the hamburgers though...weird. Now I don;t want to offend anyone, but have you ever seen ANYONE work at McDonald's that looked like Barbie. No. I bet that Barbie was pissed as HELL. All these other Barbies got to be Doctors and Vets and Teachers (ps: I had the Teacher playset too...it was the bomb.com...did I get rid of these because I really want to play with them now...) and this Barbie had to work in greasy ass McDonalds. My theory is she's paying her way through College...you go Barbie! 

Yeah...never seen a Mcdonald's employee like this...or a child so well behaved in McDonalds. 

Again, I'm not saying that people who work at McDonald's are ugly. I love McDonald's, in fact I ate McDonald's today...and it was delicious...not as delicious as Nutella though...but I have never in my years, seen someone who looks like Barbie at McDonalds...but it's a good recruiting tool.

Like I said earlier I was in Taylorsville for my orientation and getting there and back was a friggin challenge. I don't think it's just Utah people now, I just think people are Ri-Ri's. Fo reals. I don't understand why it is sooooooo hard to go the speed limit, or to use a turn signal, or to go when the light turns green! There are 3 to 4 lanes on I-15. The right lane is for all of you ri-ri's who want to drive 65 and under. The middle lane is for the ri-ri's who want to go faster than those on the right and the left lane is for the ri-ris who want to go faster than those in the right AND the middle lane. So if you are going 45 flucking miles per flucking hour DRIVE IN THE RIGHT LANE DOUCHENUGGET. If you are in the left lane and notice that cars coming up behind you are going faster, if it is possible MOVE OVER TO THE MIDDLE OR RIGHT LANE SO WE CAN PASS YOU'RE SLOW MISERABLE ASS, JOCKSTRAP. Also if your car can not go above 65 miles per hour GET A NEW ONE OR DO US ALL A FREAKIN FAVOR AND DON't GO ON THE HIGHWAY SHITHEAD! I swear on my Barbie McDonald's playset if I go one day without losing my freakin mind while I'm driving because of stupid drivers I will by everyone a jar of Nutella. 

I will be making about 100 of these and keeping them in my glove box. I will pass these puppies out like Quiznos Coupons.

This blog post had absolutely no point to them. That's the point. I hope you feel unfulfilled by the time you finished this blog and I hope you say "that was ten minutes I'll never get back." See ya in another 7 months yo!

Waxing and The Wilderness (Two Totally Seperate Things...)

Every 4 to 6 weeks I endure the biggest pain in my life during the Spring/ Summer months. It's not pretty in any way and sometimes I wonder if it's really worth it. But after switching to an alternative I learned that it is worth it. Bikini waxes. Boys, I suggest skipping to the next paragraph. It was time to get it done before my big camping trip (that story later) and I went to the girl I always go to. She's awesome and it doesn't really hurt. This time was a tad different. After getting stripped down she puts the wax on the first area AND HOLY SHITBALLS IT BURNS!
"Is it too hot?" Omygod YES! IT BURNS IT HURTS SOOOO BAD! KILL ME NOW!
"Nope I'm good." And I'm an idiot.
After enduring 3 strips of pain and horror she has me inspect the area to make sure I'm satisfied with the results. I don't know about all ya'lls but I'm NEVER satisfied with burn boils on my lady parts. Now she's on to the other side.
Silence....
Silence...
"Oh shit."
"That's a sentence I never want to hear a waxer say....ever."
Silence...
"I just have some wax stuck. I can get it off."
And then my waxer went to third base with me. We both looked at each other in horror after her finger slipped in a certain area associated with bikini waxing.
"Wow. And I'm paying YOU. Usually I'd like a dinner first."
We busted up in hysterics with me switching back and forth between laughter and howls of pain.
I still had wax on me when I got home.
At least I would look good in my new low riser bikini bottoms!
If I didn't have cellulite.
When we walked out for me to settle my (discounted) bill, every person in the salon was looking at us in horror.
I wonder if that salon will ever schedule a wax ever again.
I wonder why it was soooo busy for a Tuesday.
Moving on. My BFF/ Partner in Crime Mandy and I decided we should go CAMPING!
Arielle+Nature= no bueno.
We arrived at the Lava Hot Springs KOA and it was time to set up camp!
Good thing Mandy can set up a tent. Or we'd be sleeping in the car.
And by the way I'm SO good at shouting out instruction. Not GIVING them. SHOUTING them.
We checked out the bathrooms.
KOA is the ONLY way ANYBODY will get me to sleep in a tent.
Holy pooper these bathrooms were prettier than mine! And I have a pretty bathroom. I was really tempted to tell Mandy that I had the runs and just put my sleeping bag on the floor and sleep there.
Next we had to make a fire.
Correction: MANDY had to make a fire. And I had to instructions to shout out so my job was easy. My job was to sit. And drink bitch beers.
Marshall, Mandy's boyfriend gave us firewood. Correction: he thought we were going to build a deck so he gave us wood for that. After lighting every napkin that came from Mandy's car (and she's a mom so she has ALOT of napkins) and thinking like the girl's we are and spraying the wood with hairspray (which didn't work, which disappoints me because I always envisioned burning the face of a home intruder with a lighter and a can of hairspray...if I owned a lighter,) We FINALLY got a fire going (correction: Mandy FINALLY got a fire going.). The night was miserable. I had 5 blankets and my sleeping bag and I was still freezing. And my back was KILLING me.There's a reason why God made beds. I was not meant to sleep on the ground like a chipmunk. Ew. The next morning we hit the hot pools. I can see why I was soooo worried about my cellulite. All the hotties from the home were there. Seriously. I think Maple Acres Senior Center took a field trip that day. After that I broke out in nasty hives got a horrid sunburn and was miserable the rest of the day. But we decided against the camping food (thank God) and went to the Chuckwagon Cafe (or something like that) and had the best Green Chile Corn Chowder EVER! It was like Jesus had seen all the misery I had been going through and said "Here Arielle, have some yummy goodness." and then declined my credit card. (Thanks for dinner Mandy!) We had ran out of firewood (because we had to use it all the night before. Good jorb Marshall.) so we went to the KOA to buy some. And GASP the KOA had none. The only thing wrong with the KOA. So we drove around trying to find some for sale. We found a house with a crap load in the backyard. At first we were going to just jack some but then we grew a conscience (gross) and figured we should ask. So Mandy did all the talking (like usual) and I did all the...sitting (like usual). And this time we had a REAL fire with REAL firewood. (again. Good. Job. Marshall.) We drank beers and sang theme songs from kid shows and broadway show tunes (our KOA neighbors LOVED us.). And had a 30 minute conversation with a bird that said "ARWIE!" (if anyone can name the species of the bird and show me a picture I will take them to Applebees for 2 for $20.) The night was awesome. We laughed and had a great gals night. Until we had a huge lightening storm and thought we were going to die. Again. I hate nature. It ruins EVERYTHING! The next morning we awoke packed up our stuff and left the grand KOA. Overall it was a great trip and I had a friggin blast. I will never go camping again. Maaaaaybe if it's a KOA. And it's one night. And I can drink alcohol.

I'm Just A Bill, Yeah I'm Only A Bill

You know what I LOOOOOVE? Facebook fights. They are HA-larious. I love reading them and then commenting right in the middle of heat. Usually I like to comment irrelevant stuff just to piss people off. Things such as "my crayon bleeds purple." and "So my period started today." I love how these people are FRIENDS! HA! It's so great. And it's always about dumb stuff like politics. And then everyone joins against one person. And I kinda feel bad for that person but then again, it's their own damn fault for not learning social skills. Or taking medication to at least pretend they have social skills.
I have no idea what good or bad Obama has done in office, and frankly I don't want you to tell me. I have no opinion on abortion 1.) because I'm not a unborn fetus. 2.) I'm not knocked up 3.) I'm not God. I don't think a grostky 80 yr old senator from Delaware should have an opinion either. because 1.) he's not an unborn fetus. 2.) He's not knocked up(and if he is,he better be for Gay marriage...) and 3.) even though he probably thinks he is...he's not God either. Don't ask me what's the situation in Libya because I didn't know that was country until like 5 weeks ago. And the only thing I know about Senatorial shtuff and other political things are limited to what was shown on School of Rock. This is what I do know:
I'm ECSTATIC Bin Laden is dead.
I think the government is taking way to much out of my paycheck and I really don't know why but I'll forgive them because they give it back.
We are always saving other countries asses when they have a "natural disaster" or a "war" but last time I checked, no one was hauling ass over here when Katrina hit or when Alabama had a shit-load of tornadoes.
I wasn't planning on inviting ANY political figure to my wedding soooo...why do they care who I am marrying if they don't get a choice of chicken or steak at the reception.
And I will vote for whoever wants to fund my college education.
I used to be really in the dark about current events. I never watched the news until one day I met the silverfox of my dreams: Anderson Cooper.
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GUY???!!! He's delicious. Even Simon Cowell can't pull off a tight Under Armor Tee while hanging on to a flagpole in the middle of a hurricane/ bloody revolution. I don't care if he is only 2 years younger than my mother (hands off lady I dibs first). The man ages like a GOD! You would think all the sorrow and horror this dude has seen he would AT LEAST have worry wrinkles. None my friends...none. I always dreamed that one day I will amaze him with my spunky political knowledge and before you know it Im picking out his tie for the next gripping episode of ANDERSON COOPER 360! Every night at 8pm I'm all about government budgets and political scandals, and human suffering and whatever. The man could be doing a report on staplers and I'm HOOKED. Alot of people think he's gay. If this is true I would be in grieving for like 6 months. I have NO problem with homosexuals. I have awesome friends who are gay and I love that they are happy with their lifestyle. I'm all for Gay rights. I just don't like the men I find attractive gay. Which I think is understandable. Sooooo anyways. My chances of meeting Anderson Cooper are the same of Charlie Sheen becoming normal. So I will continue pretending I know what they are talking about when they say "health care reform" and "government shutdowns" (that was reallllly lame by the way, way to work everyone up and then hang us out to dry.) And I will continue interrupting people's persnickety facebook fights. You have been warned losers.

Never Got Around To It

My Nay-Nay was a notorious quirky woman. She held a grudge against the Dodgers because they traded from Brooklyn to Los Angeles, that happened in 1957. And you would never bring up Jennifer Aniston in a conversation unless you were begging to have a two hour conversation about mediocre acting. She bought anything that was on sale, even if she already had it. She was a tough woman from New York who would not take any crap from anybody. Not even cancer, in which she had to show up everybody by beating not only breast cancer, but she had to fight lung cancer at the same time. And when they said she wasn't going to make it through the surgery (which was in 2003) she HAD to throw it in everyones face by making it for 8 more years.
I noticed that when someone dies, everyone throws around "never got around to it". "We were going to do this but we never got around to it." "We were going to do that but, we never got around to it." What if we did get around to it? What if we did everything with the ones we loved? At the end of the road would it be easier to let go? Or as living beings, would we find something to make us want to hold on longer? Is it programmed in our brain to not want to let our loved ones go?
I think back to my friend's funeral. He had Cystic Fibrosis and passed away when he was way too young, But at his funeral, it wasn't a heavy feeling you usually feel. It was light and loving. His family knew he could breathe and he wasn't in pain. His dad gave this amazing talk about passing your test in  life and how his son just passed his test so fast that God was ready for him. I'd like to think my grandma's test had lots of answers such as:
Sardine Sandwiches puts hair on your chest (as a young girl this thought terrified me).
If you insist to your grandchildren that you are an alien, they WILL believe you (glad you finally found your way back to the mothership NayNay).
Yogurt is a substantial meal.
And:
Work hard, love harder, grandma's hands are the best to hold because they are always warm, rag curls are the best done by pulling the hair as hard as possible (which now I thank her for my extremely strong scalp). And stand for what you believe and never back down. Oh and the more Virgin Mary's you have in the house, the more points you'll get in heaven.
I'll miss you Nay Nay. I'm proud of everything you have done. I hope one day I can be half the woman you were. I'm so happy you are finally with your daughter and Pop-Pop and your mom and your dad. I bet George and Ebony were soooooo happy to see you. Emily, I'm not so sure if she made it up there...fine...I bet Emily was happy to see you too (I don't know how the devil dog made it up to heaven, but I don't get to choose who goes up and who goes down...whatever). I'll catch you on the flipside. I LOVE you!
Alicia Pink
03/27/39-03/19/11

Making Messes...Not Just For Kids Anymore.

So I woke up at like 8:30 this morning with no alarm clock and no reason to be up that early. It is times like this that makes me feel like a grown up. Until...I had to make coffee.
Since starting the new job I have become kinda addicted to the stuff. I have like 2 cups at work. So this morning I wanted to use my stepdads coffee maker (yay for living at home!) and make me some here. Well..
First of all. Our coffee maker at work doesn't require us to put water inside the coffee thingy jig (my terminology gives you hope for the rest of this story yes?). All I have to do is put the giant filter in the other thingy jig put the coffee in the filter and put the coffee thingy jig under the first thingy jig. Makes sense? Follow closely. Well. This morning about 2 minutes into my "feeling grown up" coffee making I realize...where is the water going to come from. Yes folks I didn't know until "googling" (thank god it's not 1994 for I would be SCREWED) that water had to go in the back of the coffee maker. So I hurried and turned the coffee maker off and added water. WELL. Now I have coffee spurting out of the spurty thing and its getting everywhere but the coffee pot. So after I fixed that all seems to be better. But now after pouring my coffee, I have a mess to clean up. The kitchen looks like I let my 4 year old nephew have a field day with the coffee maker. While cleaning it up I kept asking myself "why do you always have to learn the hard way?" And that started me questioning myself in more deeper subjects than coffee making. So while my inner bully kept ragging on me all of a sudden this voice rang out (I like to call it my inner Bronx lady) and said "HEY! Sometimes that's a good thing! What did people do before Google and Owners Manuals huh?! Yeah they learned you big jerk! And where do YOU get off telling us that we're stupid? You're in this too bully! And learning things the hard way makes it so we don't make the same mistakes AND we have entertaining stories to tell at the next soiree. So stop raining on our parade pal and maybe instead of dirtying all the dish rags cleaning up coffee grounds USE A PAPER TOWEL YA PUTZ!" My Inner Bronx Lady can throw down. And I only used 2 dish rags before making the more sensible decision to use paper towels. My mom might not be too thrilled but oh well.
So in the end does it really matter how we learned something? Or at the end of our roads and ready to leave this world, does it only matter that we learned it? OR, at the end of the line is it the journey of how we got there? I believe it's the journey. I may learn the hard way sometimes, but I'm going to look back one day and have some awesome stories. Some that will make me laugh, some that will make me cringe. But as Miley Cyrus sang "It's not about how fast I get there, it's not about what waiting on the other side, it's The Climb." Now that's some deep coffee.

Flood Pants, Gorgeous Shoes and Letting Go

I effing hate the pant industry. It's like nobody over 5'7 is allowed to wear pants. I hate shopping for pants. Shopping for dresses: love it. Shopping for shirts: delicious. Shopping for skirts, shoes (ohmygodshoes), purses (orgasm), jewelery, coffee, food: Where do I sign up? Pants: How 'bout instead I gnaw off my right arm? This rant started off because of work. Work has a special relationship with certain clothing company. Certain clothing company gives us (employees) our uniforms. Certain clothing company thinks that Work will not hire anyone with a 35'' inseam or higher. So I, Miss Sasquatch, am left with waiting for the flood. So Boss says "go find some pants yourself" I would rather not wear pants however that may not fly with Work. So madre and I hit up JCPennys to look for some khaki pants (since I quit working at Walmart like 2 years ago, khakis make me want to vomit but since I'm being paid to wear them...I complain not.). JCPenny's also thinks that no one over 5'7 exists and sends Miss Sasquatch on her way with baggy slightly short fugly khaki pants. I feel like a fat flight attendant. But I digress.

Petite people and Plus Size people freak out about their limited "apparel selection". YOU HAVE YOUR OWN DAMN SECTION IN EVERY EFFIN DEPARTMENT STORE!!! You see the "women" section. You see the "petite" section. Do you see "Gangly Tall People With No Booty" section? No sir you don't. And if I hit the jackpot and find the perfect pair of pants I have to practically sign my first born over to afford them. I love being tall, I love wearing heels and being tall. I EMBRACE the fact that in large crowds I can find the holes to navigate through them faster. I LOVE my long mile long legs and how they look in shorts. It's taken years to finally say "Hell yeah I'm tall and I love it biotches!" I would even date a guy a weeeeeee bit shorter than me. But not too much shorter.
On to my next topic. I have decided (kinda) that I am going into the wrong field. Really. I decided this when I went on my bi-weekly visit to Kohls to see my GORGEOUS Elle Enchant Platform Heels in Coral. I love them. I dream about them. I can't afford them. So like a mother who can't afford her children I go visit them. I try them on. and admire them. They look good on me. I walk around the shoe department in them. Shooting people dirty looks when they look at me like I'm a lunatic because I have been trying on the same pair of shoes for 20 minutes (don't judge me people). I will have these shoes one day by the way. They will be mine. Or my heart might just snap in half. Anywhos. So while on my bi-weekly visit to see my Carrie and Samantha (because Carrie and Samantha from Sex and the City would TOTALLY love these shoes) I realized...I am the biggest girl. Not big as in full figured but as in personality wise. Anyone comes near me dirty or smelly I will squeal. Kinda. When I was looking at the different uniforms they have in law enforcement I kept thinking "Omygod so unflattering." I had this Angelina Jolie in Salt (which she is pretty damn delicious in btw) mentality about law enforcement when in fact, it's nothing like it. I find this realization quite annoying. I seem to change my career choice and my college major more often than Lindsay Lohan changes her jail sentences. And I feel like a total loser when I tell people about it. When I told my mom I thought I was going to toss my cookies. She may have not said it, but what I heard coming from her was: "You are a loser. You are like a 7 year old child. I swear I didn't give you paint chips to eat when you were a child. How did you get to be such a loser?" That is what I hear from everybody. I won't even tell some people just for the sake that they don't laugh at me and say "Ahhhhhhh...Well I expect it from Arielle." So I started doing some thinking...out of the jobs that I have had what one did I love the most? Macy's hands down all the way. I loved retail. I loved being around clothes. OK so maybe retail management would be good. Alrighty now, what am I good at? Selling stuff, making up lame jingles, Creating events, planning shtuff. So maybe PR or Marketing or Advertising? I am also amazing at buying stuff as weel but seeing as there really isn't a job where you get paid to buy shoes I kinda have to cross that one off the list. So right now it's Business. With either a Marketing or Retail or Media emphasis on it. But I am determined to find my place in the world. This blog is called Fingerprints RIGHT?! So I will find my place to leave my fingerprints DAMMIT!

Moving on to something bittersweet. Today I realized it is time to let someone go. The saying goes "when you love someone you let them go" right? Well the person has been like a sister to me. But now I see that it's time to let her and her time go to someone else. I was so used to the two of us being single together. But now she has a BF and she needs to be with him I guess. I went to see her for a little bit and I haven't seen her in over a week which is rare for us. And even though I had about 2 hours to hang out with her. She spent 30 minutes of it outside with her boyfriend. Which was kiiiinda like a slap in the face. My thought is: If he's there alllllll the time and I'm there for 2 hours and haven't seen you for a week, can't you unglue yourself from his hip and chill with me for a bit? This thing happens to me all the time. So I'm used to it. But I guess I thought it would be different this time around. Maybe I'm the only person with the idea of "chicks before dicks". I have always put my friends before any guy. I would never ever leave my friend in the dust. Yet every time I'm the one left making friends with the tumbleweed. To me guys may come and go but your friends are always going to have your back. So for right now I'll leave my friend alone with her guy and when she needs me she can call me and I will be there. It's crazy to think that a month ago we were bff's and inseparable but today it was like talking to a stranger. Maybe I'm just not used to change. I'm really happy that she found a guy and they are happy together. But I feel that she's half of two not one person anymore. And maybe I'm just not used to it yet and one day I will be and this whole thing will be silly to me. OH wells. Holy pooper its 3:21 am I need to get to bed. Goodnight everyone. And good night Samantha and Carrie. I will see you two soon!



My Babies