How Does My Boyfriend Put Up With Me?

Last night I discovered my Pinocchio dvd is missing. I have never been so distraught in my life. Not really. But I was pretty sad. My poor Pinocchio dvd is out there somewhere probably scared and missing me. The only way Brody could console me was to start talking to me about Disneyland. Which helped for a second, but then I started missing Disneyland. I haven't gone in like 4 years! That's a long time considering between the ages of 14 and 19 I went like 3 or 4 times a year. I even had an annual passport because I went so often, it was my 18th birthday present. Best. Birthday. Ever. I told Brody about the time my mom just dropped Lacey, my best friend of 6 years, and I at the gate and said she might be back to pick us up if there was enough Valium in the world to calm her shot nerves. 

Lacey and I in Disneyland is kinda hard to explain. But this is the best way: imagine a 4 year old in Disneyland. Now imagine that 4 year old took a shitload of speed and then went to Disneyland. That's Lacey and I in Disneyland.

                                                      I can't tell you...I just have to show you...

One time we were just waiting for Fantasmic to start and we turned around and noticed like 5 people had their video cameras out recording us...it's that sad...and magical at the same time!

One day Brody and I will go to Disneyland together...and hopefully we will leave together. Because last night I almost put him in a anxiety attack (you know the kind of attacks parents have after their 5 yr old consumes an entire box of Krispie Kremes and the sugar starts setting in?) and I was just talking about Disneyland. The excitement is like a billion times more heightened when I'm actually there. 

Onto other news, yesterday I spent like 80% of my time doing stupid menu planning. Does anyone actually enjoy menu planning? Because I would like to know why. My brain felt like mush afterwards. But I managed to plan out 21 dinners, 15 lunches and 8 breakfasts. Now if any those things actually made is another story. Last night Brody and I made a delicious vegetable chowder. Which you can find the recipe here:  http://luluthebaker.blogspot.com/2011/09/cheesy-vegetable-chowder.html 

We were pretty impressed with ourselves, and it turned out really tasty even when Brody tried to add a leeeeeettle more flour he dumped like 1/3 of the bag of flour into the pot and because he didn't mix the flour with water first the flour lumped up and we tried getting all the lumps out. And we didn't have enough milk. But still...SUCCESS!

Today I shall celebrate my time with my beloved Pinocchio dvd by spending the day watching Disney movies. I shall not put on pants or a bra or makeup because it's the weekend bitches and I don't have to.

What the Hey, Bobby Flay?

I'm enjoying my coffee this morning and I notice something slightly disturbing...I'm sweating...while I'm eating. I feel like Newman from Seinfeld, which does not make a girl feel pretty, even though she has bedhead and no makeup on to begin with. I begin thinking that I am either: a.) going through early menopause, missed my chance of having babies and will die alone as a result of my effed up hormones or b.) somehow gained 500 lbs. overnight and I am the only one who can't see it and now sweat when I eat. I then realize that I am drinking hot coffee, and wearing a hoodie, sweatpants and slippers. 

I shouldn't call it coffee. I should call it: Hot Chocolate with Vanilla, Cinnamon with Enough Coffee so it has a Slight Coffee Taste and Wakes Me Up. If I ever sell the idea to Starbucks, I think they would find a better name for it.

While eating my breakfast of champions, I am watching the Food Network. Which has been on a lot in my house. Usually everyday for at least an hour I flip between HGTV (LOVE Property Brothers, and Love It or List It..I feel so bad for Hillary if someone "lists it", she just busted her ass finishing your basement for you and you're just going to sell it now, pricks!) and either the Cooking Channel or the Food Network. If nothing interesting is on either of those channels, I feel a little lost.

And I actually want to try some of the recipes on these shows. I used to be like "uh there's more than three ingredients and it requires more than 1 pan and actual concentration, never going to happen." But since my mother bestowed upon me the all powerful slow cooker (and we now have a REAL knife set!!), and Brody said I am a "good cook" (his words, not mine) I am willing to try any recipe. Except if it has mustard or pickles in it, then GTFO of my kitchen ya nastay. Unfortunately this new outlook has taken on a life of its own. I frantically try to find scrapes of paper and writing utensils to write down recipes (the other day Giada was making an Italian Breakfast Sausage Bake and I couldn't find a pen, I was really tempted to take the kitchen scissors and cut off my finger and just write the recipe in blood). Thank God someone invented Pinterest and I can just Google the recipe (thank you baby Jesus for Google too) and Pin It to my cute little food board. I also have begun watching these shows like I am watching a sporting event. I get really mad when there's an ingredient we don't have at home or I can never find in my local grocery store. 

"UGGGHHHH EFF YOU RACHEL RAY, I DON'T HAVE A FREAKIN FRESH HERB GARDEN, JESUS CHRIST NOW HOW AM I GOING TO MAKE YOUR BRUSCHETTA , DAMMIT!!!"

"THEY DON'T SELL ARUGULA AT WALMART!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU BOBBY FLAY? USE YOUR BRAIN!!!" 

My cat won't come near me when she sees me turn on the TV. By the way, Arugula is a type of lettuce. It's more spicy so it is nice in a salad and goes great in a vinaigrette. I wouldn't know though, the only time I found it in a store, it was super expensive (in my world, it costs more than $2). 

But seriously, I have been cooking more this week, than I have in like, the last 6 months. And the realllllly scarey thing is...I've been enjoying it. Cue Minion:

 Or MinionS. Because this is my blog, and I said so. That last one has nothing to do with this post, I just thought it was hilarious...and true.

I also decided to be one of those crazy people who do menu planning. Refer to middle picture again. I have yet to try it but I have my doubts. How do I know what I want to eat on the 5th of next month when it's not the 5th of next month? Usually I get home from work, go on Pinterest, find a recipe that has ingredients that I currently have in my house and looks delicious and make that. But I heard it saves you bundles o' money so I figured I would give it a try. Oh and we are only going to go to grocery shopping once a month. Apparently preparing to go grocery shopping once a month, is like training for a marathon. It takes weeks to prepare for and the day of shopping takes like 5 hours to complete. But again, it supposedly save tons o' money. I'm already a champion of price matching and coupons so that's not new. Brody used to think it took too long and was a pain. But when we went 2 weeks ago we got about 3 weeks of food and the total before price matching was about $120. After price matching: $88. BAM! How do you like dem apples! I actually get a thrill out of price matching and clipping coupons. I feel like I'm sticking it to the man. 

Because of my new addiction to the Food Network, I will be trying a new recipe every month and posting it on my bloggy blog. So make sure you tune in to see if I succeed. 

I am also having my first Giveaway! I need 100 followers on Twitter by Jan.31st. If I get to 100 followers by then I will randomly select a lucky winner to win a $20 Visa Giftcard!!! YAAAAAAY! So make sure you follow me @itsme_arielleb! Good luck my cute lil' readers and have a fantastical Saturday!!!

I'm Sorry I Did This To You.

I'm on strike. So if anyone know a great union to join let me know. Or if anyone can get Christian Bale to dress in a newsboy cap and show up at my apartment to sing "The World Will Know", that'd be pretty dope too. 10 brownie points if you named that movie. 

Frankly, I have a strong belief that if I cook dinner, the other person should do the dishes (if you are good at math and you know there is one other person and a cat living here, you should get who I am talking about...not the cat.) 

But I am not one to gripe about my relationship on the interwebs. Because in fact, my relationship is better than yours. Actually...I don't know. But some people would agree, evidence A: a text message convo from today between me and a friend.

Me: Last night, Brody sang the Reading Rainbow Song AND quoted Fox and The Hound in a 10 minute time span. I. Want. To. Marry. This. Man.

Friend: If you don't procreate with him, I will.

Super creepy but still.

He IS the best guy ever. 

And he is mine,

So stop looking ho.

In other news! All the things I complained about in our apartment got taken care of FINALLY!

I can't believe this is going to be a blog post (this is what happens when someone asks somebody who is super boring to write 4-6 times a week).

2013 is looking amazing so far. Brody has some great things a-happenin. That I don't know if I can say so I won't say it on the internets yet. And I got extra hours at work. Which meeeeaaaannns...mo' monayyyy! So excited. I think this is the year we see a crapload of our debt start to disappear and some pretty big things start to come together. One of those things I hope to be is making money by sitting on my ass eating Apple Jacks in my PJs at 12 o'clock in the afternoon. Just saying...

I am going to put this blogpost out of it's misery already and end it. HAPPY NEW YEAR MY PEEPS!

 

Lucky Cellulite

 You know you have writers block when you have had a blank blog post for 2 hours and you've been scrolling through Pinterest for an hour and 30 minutes and playing with your thigh cellulite for the other 30 minutes.

Anyone that can tell me a cheap and effective way to get rid of the "cottage cheese in a hefty bag" look will get 10 brownie points. Oooooh...let's see what Pinterest has to say! 

Apparently all Pinterest had to say was I have to do shit like, work out and not eat anything delicious. Eff that. 

Plus if I got rid of it, I wouldn't have anything to distract me from doing work. 

Women have to go through so much crap. We bleed from our cooch, we have to give birth, our boobs get all kind of crazy when we breastfeed or not, we have to wax, shave and tweeze every bit of hair off our body. I had a conversation about this with a girlfriend that just had her 3rd baby boy. She is outnumbered. When I called her, she hid in the basement linen closet so she could have a uninterrupted conversation.
"Do moms really hide so they don't have to share a candybar?"
"I hide my stash of chocolate in my tampon box."
"That is so sad"
"Please....enjoy your food as long as you can. I don't even remember that last time I chewed something."
At this point I'm wriggling around in my car, driving home from a bikini wax, you know that horrible first 30 minutes when it itches like a mother-effer? Yeah.
"What are you doing?" Krishna asks me.
"I'm driving home from my bikini wax. That was Brody's birthday present to me."
"He gave you a bikini wax?"
"And an eyebrow wax. Well, I had made the appointment like a month ago he said he would pay for it."
"Jordan gave me a bikini wax for Mothers Day last year, I think it was more for him than it was for me. He got laundry detergent for Fathers Day, now I get jewelery and massages for holidays. I don't have time to primp all that shit anymore. I'm lucky if I can shower most days. The day all the boys are in school will be the happiest day of my life."
"Krish, this is really the best birth control I've had in awhile."
"I used to tweeze it all down there ya know."
"What the hell? You used to tweeze it all?! Did you feel like passing out when you were done?"
"Yeah, after awhile you get used to it, but tweezing is the best way to go you know. I had to take an entire Saturday to do it."
"I know but your entire pikachu?! Uh hell no. Is that why giving birth was so easy for you. Because you had the pain tolerance of a fucking God?"
"I never thought of it that way...but yeah probably."
At this point of our conversation, one of her children (or her husband, I couldn't tell) had discovered her hiding spot. We said our goodbyes because it was getting really complicated trying to hold the door knob and having a conversation at the same time.

It is moments like that when I am so glad we are waiting to have kids (plus we need to GET MARRIED FIRST. AHEM AHEM...just kidding, I can wait for that too. We need more money, according to my Pinterest wedding board, our wedding might be pretty pricey.) I think we need to keep the apartment clean for 7 consecutive days before we can consider bringing in a tiny person who creates a bigger mess than an adult in less time. I have these wonderful visions of me being able to blog for a living, I can wake up at like 9 am and work in my PJ's, and when I'm done creating my newest literary masterpiece, I can take 4 or 5 leisurely hours to make myself look cute, and then make cute crafty things I find on Pinterest and make dinner. I would also spend my days shopping at Hobby Lobby and redecorating our home every other week. And take naps at 2 in the afternoon. That would be the shit. 

Speaking of being domesticated, call me a woman from the 1950's but I am having an affair with my new slow cooker. We have used it twice since Santa sweetly left it under the Christmas tree (THANKS MOM!). Monday, I made a Mississippi Roast. You can find the recipe here: http://bergecentral.blogspot.com/2011/01/mississippi-roast.html 
We used Serrano peppers instead of the Pepperocini peppers because we couldn't find them in 2 different grocery stores. I also made super yummy Parmesan Roasted Potatoes for a side. You can find that recipe here: http://www.budgetsavvydiva.com/2012/06/parmesan-roasted-potatoes/
We added more seasonings than it called for because we like lots o' flava in our food. Brody said, and I quote, that I am a "good cook" SUCK ON THAT SUCKAS! Remember the days when I almost set the house on fire by boiling water? Not anymore! With my handy dandy slow cooker and Pinterest I can RULE THE CULINARY WORLD!  
 Ahem...tonight we are going to attempt to make BBQ chicken sandwiches, which is now percolating in said slow cooker. I will let you know how that goes. I would post the recipe  but the computer doesn't want to load the page now. Dumb computer. 

On that note I leave you with this lil nugget of knowledge: I'm on twitter now! YAY! So follow me! I'm @itsme_arielleb. 
OMYGOSH! I made an entire blog post! My cellulite is like my lucky charm! Now I have something in common with Kim Kardashian!
 

Past the Point of Procrastination

So I am waiting to hear from our apartment manager to see if maintenance can come fix the millions of problems our brand new "luxury" apartment has. Our back door doesn't open now. Our shower is leaking water into the sheet rock and our vents sound like a herd of cows are stampeding through them. If I didn't just say they were new, you would probably think they were a few years old. Yeah. I totally feel like $908 a month is  a fair price....not. So while I wait to see whether or not I should hurry and sweep the cheap, bubbled up, linoleum floors, I figured I would finish what I started with my 23 good deeds. 

In my last post I shared a conversation with a friend. This friend is not only from Canada, but has pretty much the last 6 years traveling the world, learning new cultures, being all worldly and shit. He pretty much told me that we, as Americans, suck ass at being people....well not really. Anyways, he said (in a nice Canadian way) that we are the only culture that sees doing a good deed as a big deal and not something that is just a norm. When he asked me about the good deeds I did, it seemed like every single thing I said, they do on a daily basis where he is from. But since I said I would share.....here it goes.

We already know that I donated blood. The next day was spent running around between Murray, UT and Brigham City, UT. Which, if you don't know....is like...almost 1/2 of the state (not really). I was busy collecting donations to donate to people affecting by Hurricane Sandy. I had two big boxes of donations. In fact, I had so many donations (thanks for everyone that helped!!) I had to separate some and donate them to the Women's Shelter at the YCC. After that I: left candy canes in the mail box for the mailman, paid for someones parking at the gateway, let a car go in front of me (which doesn't sound like a big deal, but at 5pm on a Thursday in Salt Lake....it's a big deal.) helped with a sub for Santa, left candy canes for our neighbors, let a co-worker (that I can't stand) vent about a problem, gave a mom the extra $13 she needed so she wouldn't have to put back groceries for her kids, and bought a homeless vet some coffee and some treats for his dog....and then saw an opportunity to clean out my center console in my car and gave him like $12 in change. 

If you can count, it doesn't add up to 23. It's like half that. But when you stare at a computer screen bawling, not knowing how YOU are going to take care of stuff, you kind of stop wanting to take care of others. I was diagnosed with chronic bronchitis a week ago, instead of buying my meds, I gave that mom money for food. I figured, I could just pump myself up with vitamins and rest instead of getting the meds, but as a child of a single parent, I could not bear to see a mom have to choose what her kids should go without and seeing her reaction to it made it all worth it and I would do it again. Maybe the "homeless vet with the dog" went out and spent the money on alcohol (I wouldn't say drugs because I can't think of any illegal substance that is that cheap or a drug dealer that would be cool with being paid with like 800 pennies...) but I am hoping that one day he will remember the girl who bought him a coffee and gave him information on the Vet Center and where to catch a bus, and pay it forward to someone else. I would love to do things like this everyday, and maybe the opportunity will show itself and I can do small acts of kindness for someone. But as a young woman trying to start a family and a life...sometimes you just have to fill up your own cup before you can share with others. I am a big believer in what you get is what you give. But I also believe that you need to care for yourself before you can care for others. 

Imagine a giant glass of water. Lets say you only had time to fill up your glass just a little bit, and then someone else needed some water, so you pour your water into their glass, and then like 5 other people need water so you try to give them as much water as you can. But you can't give them all the water they need, because you are running out of water. Eventually you can't get a drink and no one else can get it from you because you have nothing left. Now if you had taken the time for yourself, told people they need to wait for you to fill up your glass or tell them where they can find water for themselves, and filled your glass to the top; not only do you have enough to share, but by the end of the day, you have enough for you to drink. It's not being greedy...it's being smart. 

On a lighter note: I hope everyone likes the new blog. Since I am oh so computer savvy it only took me 3 freakin hours to figure out how the hell to do it. I am really grateful fro all the shares and likes it has been getting too! Thanks for all your support. I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas (I know Brody and I did, we got SPOILED) and have a Happy new Years, i have a feeling 2013 is going to be the bomb dot com.

We Have Nothing to Fear but Everything.

Last night I had the biggest AHA moment of my life. I was texting a friend that went to Weber State with me a few years ago. He is from Canada and after school he moved back home. We were talking about the recent Sandy Hook shooting. I asked him if it was a big news story in Canada. He said it wasn't as big as it was here but they did broadcast it. I started to tell him how the media screwed all their facts up and and kept changing the story. He said "what do you mean?" "Like how many people died, who the shooter was, things like that." "Why is that important?" "Well...good question." "Here, they just talked about how courageous the teachers were and what a loss it was to lose so many lives and how sad the parents must be and that was it." "So nothing about gun control came up?" "No. Why would it?" "Well aren't people scared about going to school not armed and going into a movie theater not armed?" "Are you talking about the movie theater thing in Colorado now?" "yeah." "I never really thought about that." "Why not?" "I own 7 guns, but I don't feel the need to take one to a theater or to school. Hell, everyone here leaves their doors unlocked." 

During this exchange, I found Michael Moore's Documentary "Bowling for Columbine." It was at the part where Moore is interviewing Marylin Manson. People were protesting about Manson performing in Colorado because he has many songs that discuss violence, and the shooters at Columbine High School frequently listened to Manson. Manson discussed that the media and the government consistently put fear into the American people. If you don't get that car you aren't cool. If you have acne you won't get a girlfriend. If you don't buy Colgate people won't talk to you. And that's when my AHA moment came. 

Don't send your kids trick-or-treating on Halloween, they'll be kidnapped. Don't eat that or you'll become morbidly obese. If you don't bring a gun with you everywhere you'll be killed. If you drive a car, you'll be killed by a drunk driver. Don't smoke that it causes cancer. Don't drink that, it causes cancer. Don't live there, gangs are there. Don't love that person or you'll go to hell. If you are a Democrat you mooch off the government. If you are a Republican, you are narrow-minded.If you are a black person you shouldn't trust a white person. If you are a white person you shouldn't trust a black person.

We are in a constant state of fear and fighting. We have the War on Drugs, War on Terrorism, War on Cancer, War on Gangs. 

Mother Theresa said, "Do not invite me to an Anti-War rally. I will not attend. Invite me to a Peace rally. I will come." If you fight something, the thing that you are fighting grows stronger. 

What if we changed our way of thinking? What if we started being more positive than negative? What if we had Pro-Peace organizations? What if we had Pro-Cure races instead of the Race Against Cancer? What if we only used positive words? What if the media and the government wasn't allowed to scare us? What if we turned on the news and just for one day, the news was only allowed to report positive things? What if we stopped saying "I can't"? "I can't it's too expensive." "I can't, they won't let me." "I can't, it's impossible." What if for one day, The entire world said "I can."

My friend in Canada told me, his family looks forward to the news. Most of the time the news in their city reports on good things. Yes, sometimes there is a sad story but most of the time it is good. He said "Americans are the only people that have a 'pay it forward' attitude. You guys are the only culture that thinks it's a big deal to do a good deed. Here, it's just an everyday thing. We just do it." 

I asked my friend more about Canadians and guns. He said EVERYONE he knows has AT LEAST one gun. So you would think, Canada must have alot of gun crimes right? In 2011 Canada had 144 murders by firearm. The United States? 9,369. Another interesting thing. When there is a murder in Canada, the news reports on only the victim. Here, we do a one-hour special of the shooter. In Canada, they want to help the suspect by rehabilitating the suspect. They think, "There must be a mental illness let's take care of them." In America? The second we hear about a shooting we scream DEATH PENALTY. GUN CONTROL. VIOLENCE IN MEDIA. What is wrong with us?

So yesterday was "supposed to be the end of the world", that worked out well. I took it was an opportunity to start new. I will no longer watch news programs or read it online. You may say "well that's ignorance, you need to be informed."  Informed, maybe. Inundated? No. Notice, the people who are always happy, extremely successful, and just have all the luck, are always surrounded by positive people and things. 

I'm not saying that I am right and if you think different you are wrong. I am not saying that Canada is better than America. I am not saying that I hate to live here. I am just saying that, like everywhere else, we can improve. And before we go blaming someone or something else on our problems, we should take some accountability in our actions. I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas, and lets' start being better people.

Day 3: SUCCESS!

You know one of those Pass It On billboards you see on the highway. They should totally make one for me. I don't mean to toot my own horn but...TOOT! 

OK...I know I'm not as cool as Daniel Day-Lewis but whatever....JUST KIDDING! I know that's Abraham Lincoln. If it was DDL's billboard it would say "Could play an Avocado, and still win an Oscar for Best Actor....Talent You'll never have...Pass It On."
ANYWAYS. So this morning I went back to the Red Cross Donation Center to try again! This time I would show that needle who's boss. I woke up, with "Eye of the Tiger" playing in my mind, pumped myself up, walked outside. And saw fog so thick I couldn't find my car. FML. DID I GO BACK INSIDE? NO! Because I couldn't find the door. ANYWAYS. So I arrived at the donation center and like everybody scattered when I walked in....wonder why. Especially the nice blood drawer lady I saw yesterday. I had a guy named Ryan...I think...do my eligibility and then try to find a vein. 5 minutes later he called another person to help him find my vein. Then another person. Soon there was like 4 people huddled around my arm. It was like the said vein they were searching for was like the Holy Grail! Finally they found the vein. DID I PASS OUT WHEN I SAW THE NEEDLE? NO! I never saw it. I looked the other way the entire time. 

Wham. Bam. Thank You Mam. And it was over. I donated blood. HOORAY! So whoever gets it, enjoy it my friend(s). It has done me well. And for the pay it forward part. I figured the people who dedicate their time taking blood, manning the office and working for the Red Cross do SO much! They are always at the front lines working so hard when we have a disaster. What an incredible organization! So if you guys ever have a second of free time go to 
www.redcross.org/support/volunteer and see what YOU can do!

I need to take a minute and talk about my AMAZING boss. First of all. She treats me SO well. I have never had a boss be so kind and giving. And not only has she helped Brody and I so much (practically furnishing our apartment, giving me an advance on my paycheck so we would have extra money after making our apartment deposit plus ten million other things) but her and her husband are really giving to the community. They take part in the Angel Tree charities and support local businesses. They are always caring about people who are in need. I absolutely adore this family. AND they gave me a HUGE box to donate to the victims of Hurricane Sandy.  

Tonight I will be getting the donations ready and tomorrow I will ship them out! I am so excited! 

PS: If you are wondering how bad donating blood hurts, the prick they give you before to check your iron hurts like a MF. The actual arm they put the needle in...doesn't hurt...unless you're picking up an 18 month old all day. But the pain is TOTALLY worth it. I'll probably do it again!