Are You There Tax God? It's Me, On Benadryl.

 Dear Tax Gods/ Tax Jesus/ Whoever handles the money,.....um yeah hi. My name is Arielle...and I like to...this is going nowhere. Listen, I worked like 3 jobs all at once last year which I don't know why because you would think I would be rollin in the dough like a mofo....but it never happened. Um, but I know Brody is going to file my taxes here soon (why can't I do it myself? hahahahahahaha! Oh Tax Gods you are super silly, no one wants that!) Um, I would like a nice tax return if it is possible, it doesn't HAVE to be in the thousands (although that'd be pretty freakin awesome...so that'll work too...) but I would like a nice chunk o' change! WHY DO YOU NEED THIS MONEY??!! You say (hopefully in a Morgan Freeman voice....Sean Connery would work too...) Well I am glad you asked Mister (or Mrs...) Tax God! Ahem....

Arielle's Super Duper Awesome Tax Return Plan!

HELLO! And WELCOME! To Arielle's Super Duper tax Return Plan Presentation!
Here you will find ALLLLLL the answers to your awesome questions about what I would do if you gave me fantastic Tax Return!!! Did I mention you have beautiful eyes.....


OKEY DOKEY Number 1!
Invest in my business: WOAH Super Smart RIGHT?! I'm probably over using the word "super" huh?......bummer.
Yes! I will invest some of my tax return into my business. BUT WHAT FOR ARIELLE?
PSH! Glad you asked nosy audience! I will invest money into my business for:
Products!
Advertising!
Client Specials!
Stock!
WOWZERS! If you think that's great wait til we get tooooo......

Number 2!
Pay bills: EVEN SMARTER! I also realize there are a lot of words in CAPS and a lot of exclamation points....just go with it. 
See I am in a bit of a pickle Tax Jesus, I gots lots of bills this is where we cue "Bills Bills Bills" By Destiny's Child....
But with a wonderfully large tax return I can pay off these bills YAY! And those rude people can stop blowin up ma phone every 10 minutes....seriously I didn't have the money 10 minutes ago, I promise I didn't magically stumble upon it now.

Number 3. I stopped the exclamation points. I was getting so peppy I annoyed myself...
Get back into my dance Fitness Class
Whaaaaaaaaa? Arielle, that doesn't sound like an adult thing to do! 
Woah, woah woah, woah. Calm down nosy audience. Let me get back into my high school debator self and I will explain why this IS a responsible thing to do in 3 points. Shit....now i need to think of three points...I was only in debate to go to Disneyland...
1.) In the words of Elle Woods 

             I don't have a husband....but I have a live-in boyfriend and I say close enough! 
2.) I need to hip to not hurt after 5 minutes of walking. Fo' reals. Pole and flexibility classes were my savior. The entire time I was in Dance fitness classes my shoulders, hips and back never hurt. Even when I pushed them to their limit I have never felt better physically. And before you close-minded conservative people say "ew. pole dancing. grossies." First of all, look up Charlee Wagner on Youtube...pole is NOT just for strippers. Second of all, you try doing a backbend on a pole just holding onto it WITH YOUR THIGHS and tell me it's not a killer workout.
3.) ummmm....because it makes me happy....shouldn't we get to do things because it makes us happy? Right?
Okey dokey my nosy audience that's my Super Duper Tax Return Presentation! 

So, what have you learned from this? I need monies. What have I learned from this? Benadryl and beer don't mix......

   

High School Never Ends

"The whole damn world is just as obsessed
With who‘s the best dressed and who‘s having sex,
Who‘s got the money, who gets the honeys,
Who‘s kinda cute and who‘s just a mess
And you still don’t have the right look
And you don’t have the right friends
Nothing changes but the faces, the names, and the trends
High school never ends"

-Bowling For Soup

So lately an issue has come to my attention (not lately per say, but I've been focusing on it more recently than usual). My story begins...in Wendover (this post is not about unexpected pregnancies or roofies....)

Brody and I went to Wendover a few weekends ago. When we checked into our hotel I changed out of the clothes I was wearing into a cute little red dress. It wasn't like we were going to a fancy restaurant or anything but I thought I would dress up and look nice for my hunny. The first few months of our relationship, he got "cute Arielle". I always had my hair done, my makeup was always pretty, I was always on my "a-game"....yeah. Then 2 things happened:

1.) I was getting really tired of waking up 2 hours before he did so I could brush my teeth and redo my makeup and "go back to sleep"...I'll talk about how girls do stupid things sometimes...remember this little tidbit.

2.) One day I got a HORRIBLE UTI and Kidney infection AND fever all in one shot. I was not putting any effort into my appearance if I was going to die soon (and there were moments when I thought I was actually going to die.)

After that Brody still got "cute Arielle" but eventually it turned into 1 of 2 looks.

1.) Sweats, hair not done, makeup not on.

2.) I'm a nanny...to a toddler....I leave with clean clothes on and my hair looking presentable...but come home with boogers, finger paint and chocolate on my clothes and my hair thrown into some kind of "not pinterest" worthy bun. 

So I wanted to look cute for my man. Cute red dress. Hair was curled. And I even wore heels. Last time I wore heels....was when we went to a wedding...in June.  I felt confident and even a little sexy (believe me, I am gangly and awkward, for me to think that I am sexy...it's a big deal.) Until we got to the casino.

And now a conversation between me and my brain...

"Jesus there's a lot of people staring...do I have a boob popping  out?"

"HA! Oh Arielle. Your boobs aren't big enough to pop out."

"Oh yeah..is something on my face?"

"Nope, not a sign on my back or toilet paper stuck to a shoe..."

"OMYGOD I LOOK LIKE AN ESCORT!!!!"

"HOLY SHIT WE DO!"

"People are thinking one of two things: I hope that guy didn't pay alot for that escort or Wow...escorts in Wendover are realllllly bad..."

"It's o.k. we'll just get to dinner eat and go back up to the room...an hour tops."

"Holy crap....the line for the buffet is like an hour long wait."

"B-E-A-Utiful."

"Use your gangly arms to cover your self up!"

"Good idea brain!"

Brody: "Do you have to use the bathroom?"

Me: "Uh...no...why?"

Brody: "Just the way you're standing...it looks like you have to pee....by the way you look hot, I've seen like 10 guys check you out."

Brain: "HE SAID YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM UNCROSS YOUR ARMS LOOK NORMAL!!!"

"I DON'T KNOW HOW TO LOOK NORMAL!!!"

So we get our table and go get our food. Then we decide to go check out the desserts. I am standing at the dessert counter checking out the selection when I hear a group of girls.

*annoying giggle, annoying giggle* "She looks like a whore."

*annoying giggle, annoying giggle* "She's getting pie! HAHAHAHA! She needs to eat the whole thing, skinny bitch." 

*annoying giggle, annoying giggle* "She actin' a fool trying to wear that dress, maybe with her whore money she should get some boobs."

Alrighty. I am pretty much done.

I shoot the group of girls a dirty look, they shut up (Well aren't you all talk, if a 120 lb girl can shut you up with a look....).

And then I am extremely nice to the girl behind the dessert counter. Because I always thought that if someone is a biotch to you, piss them off more by being extremely nice to other people, so they feel bad about themselves (that's the Christian way....).

The girl behind the counter gave me a pity look and told me she thought I looked pretty. I beamed a "thank you!" to her and went back to my table. 

I was still self- conscious. Brody had sensed a change in my "chi". And asked me what was wrong. I told him about the girls and pointed them out. he laughed and said "THOSE GIRLS WERE MAKING FUN OF HOW YOU LOOK?! Oh hunny, they are jealous." As I got up to leave an older lady told me I looked "divine." Which is probably the best compliment ever. You look pretty= nice. You look gorgeous= amazing. You look DIVINE= Um....you are THEE BEST. Our waitress said I looked beautiful and the girl at the desert counter said to me very loudly so the girls could hear, "It's like the swine making fun of a swan, you look very pretty." 

Although my ego was saved, I still had a question. Why? Why would someone waste so much of their energy making fun of someone else? Why would someone make a judgement about someone they never knew? Why do we as adults, still act like we are in Junior high or High School? 

I started noticing this more and more. Everyday in the internet someone is calling Kim Kardashain a whore. I've been guilty of that too. Or making fun of Taylor Swift for dating a ton of guys. WHO CARES?! If you don't know them personally how can you say something like that? And so what T-Swift wants to write about every guy she's dated? You do you Tay Swizzle! (PS: You seriously need to think up some new ideas about performing though. 1.) hold the microphone to your mouth not 6 inches above your head. 2.) the quick clothes changes were cool the first 2 times, now they are getting boring...) We post pictures of people onto our FB pages and make fun of them. And women are constantly the brunt of these jokes. WHY?! Why do we put each other down so much? We always whine and complain about how we should be treated equal to men and blah blah blah. Well maybe, we should start working together as a gender and stop trying to kill each other before making an equality attempt! 

A few days ago in Walmart I was standing in line and two girls behind me said "That bitch too skinny, she ain't no woman, look at ha' nastay skinny arms with ha' nastay ass tattoo. bitch." I finally had enough. "DAMIT! I'm not a real woman?! Shit, I thought I had a real vagina! Well I guess I will have to live with the fact that I had a fake vagina. Silly me, I thought just having one made me a woman. Well if my fake cooter ever pops out a fake daughter I will be sure to tell her that it is her BODY that determines if she is a genuine human being not her character. HORRAY FOR KEEPIN IT REAL LADIES! Ps...get a dictionary." The guy in front of me was dying of laughter and the girls kept their uneducated mouths shut til I was out of the store. Had they spent time with me they would have known a few things:

I am fiercely loyal to my friends, once I am friends with you, I have your back.

I try to be a really nice person, I say hi to the cashier, ask my waitress how's her day, and when I run into my mail man I give him a high-five and ask him how his kids are, I'm not tooting my own horn, that's just how I was raised. 

If you are sad, I will be really annoying and try to get you to laugh. 

I have body issues from time to time, why? Because I am human. I also know that I am a beautiful person and I am worthy of peoples love and time.

But they made this judgement:

I am fake.

I am skinny.

I am nasty.

I am a bitch.

Yes I am skinny. Who gives a shit? Why don't you worry about your life instead of putting input into mine? 

Why does it matter to you if I am fake, or nasty or a bitch? Am I causing a direct problem for you? No. I am standing here with a day planner and hydrogen peroxide waiting to check out so I can go home and get some work done. It is none of your business if I am a real woman or not and last time I checked...you really don't get to decide that.

Why are we SO nasty to each other? No wonder why so many people feel like they have nothing to look forward to and decide death is a better option. No wonder why bullying is such a huge issue in our schools. 

So do me a favor. When you have kids, or if you have kids. Teach them to be kind. Teach them that they are beautiful. Teach them that they are worthy. Teach them to not judge others or joke at the expense of others. I know that I do that sometimes. And I am making a pledge to not do it again. Let's start empowering each other. Let's finally graduate from high school mentally. Just because you have the diploma doesn't mean you are now an adult. Grow up. Act like one.

My Childhood Was Awesome....And It May Have Not Ended...Whatever.

Ok I am horrible. It's been like 3 weeks since I have written anything. But in my defense, life around here has been pretty hectic AND it's been boring hectic so there was nothing interesting to write about. 
Mostly we have had a pretty big change in our sleeping schedule. Brody now wakes up at 440 am which means he has to go to sleep at 8-830pm. I don't get home til 6:30 so that means we have sometimes only 2 hours of awake time. I'm trying to follow his schedule but my job makes it kinda hard. He starts work at 6am I don't start til 10. He gets home anywhere between 3 and 5. It's just a change we are trying to figure out. It's a good change though.
Whilst I was home sick like 2 weeks ago I asked Brody the most important question I have ever asked. This is a question that will change the course of our relationship for the rest of our lives. There is no doubt in my mind that the outcome of this question will be the most challenging experience our relationship has had to face and yet will be the happiest....
I had been thinking about our 2 year anniversary that will be coming up in August, what should we do for it? I had been watching Disney movies all day and it made me miss the nostalgia of my childhood. When my question came to mind, I texted Brody. I probably should have waited to ask this big of a question when he was home but I was just so excited about the possibilities that awaited in 6 months.
"Can we go to Disneyland for our anniversary? There are some pretty good deals on hotels and stuff so it wouldn't be to expensive."
There was an instant reply. 
"That would be fun, let's do it."
I started crying.
I'm a little obsessed with Disneyland.
Ok, Like a lot obsessed with Disneyland.
Or let's just generalize it with Disney. 
Like, I went to the Disney store at City Creek and was in tears because it was too magical for me to handle. 
Like I have to watch a Disney movie every morning because I can't wake up without it. 
Like, I am non stop crying in Disneyland because I am so happy. 

 Like the first time I saw this picture, I FREAKED out because it was so cute, and I had to watch "Dumbo" and "Lilo and Stitch".
So naturally I got so excited about the fact that we are going to Disneyland in August (25 weeks and 3 days...not that I'm counting...) that I went a little overboard on the Disneyland posts on facebook. And it pissed off a select few people. Which I could care less. 
Let me explain my childhood to you. 
My mom pretty much rocked my childhood. She was all about reading stories to us (she even did voices for all the characters...for reals...) She was all about us reading fairy tales and having an imagination. If we didn't have that brand new Barbie house, we made it. Beds out of tissue boxes and we even made cute little school books out of construction paper. When we got our new refrigerator, I kept the box. That box was a rocket ship, a castle, a car, pretty much whatever I wanted it to be. The dirt under our deck was the desert, our wheelbarrow was a wild mustang, our backyard was The Hundred Acre Woods, our basement was a stage. And on Sundays the best part of my week would happen. The Magical World of Disney was on ABC. We would order pizza and...WE COULD EAT IN THE LIVING ROOM IN FRONT OF THE TV....WHAT?!!!!! We would watch whatever Disney movie was on (even though we owned half of them) as a family. AND WE GOT TO EAT IN THE LIVING ROOM!!! That was pretty cool. Now I appreciate the Mondays thru Saturdays when we ate the dining room table more than when we got to eat in the living room. Sick days my mom would roll the tv in my bedroom and I could watch a plethora of Disney movies, which I still do when I'm sick. In the summer days we played outside and lived in a neighborhood where she wouldn't have to worry about us doing so. And when she wasn't working she joined in with us. She would take us on spontaneous trips and adventures. And one time she even packed our things without us knowing it and told us in the car that we were going to Cheyenne Wyoming (why?....it's a long inside joke...) and even though Cheyenne Wyoming is a very boring place, it was awesome to have that adventure. The weekend after we had to put Ebony down, she took me on a trip to Bryce Canyon just so we had a break from grieving. The best thing about it all, is that my mom let us have our childhood for as long as we could have it. She never made us grow up faster then we needed to. And when I was 14 she made my biggest dream come true. We FINALLY went to Disneyland. And it wasa even more awesome than I dreamed it could be. 
My mom gave me a great gift. She taught me to be a dreamer. And she let me dream and she never said I couldn't do it or it couldn't happen. And I still have a piece of my childhood with me. And I think in a world where there is so much hate and negativity, that is a great thing to have. To be able to stand back for a second and look at things through my 5 year old eyes and tell my 23 year old self that there's nothing that a Disney movie, some Ice Cream and a nap can't fix. 
So I will keep my obsession with Disney the same and if you think it's annoying there is a cute little button on my profile where you can 'unfriend' me or hide posts from me. SO SUCK IT YOU MEAN GROWNUPS! 
Now if you'll excuse me, Quasi Modo has to go save Esmeralda with Pheebus and I don't want to miss it. 

So Far....My Attention Defiect Hasn't Gotten Do You Want To Watch Disney Movies With Me?

After days and days of trying to avoid it, the inevitable happened. I caught the cold. The one I have been living with and working with this past week and everyday I would say, "I've been SO lucky I haven't caught it. Maybe I won't be sick at all in 2013!" And then my tea party with the unicorns and talking Teddy Bears came to an end and this morning I woke up feeling like I was run over by the garbage truck. 
Even though my goal of not being sick in 2013 didn't work out, I still have high hopes for 2013. So far 2013 has been interesting.
Brody started his new job. Which is great. I really think this will be Brody's year (maybe that nice little raise will result in a sparkly ring eh? eh?) 
I have racked my brain for the past few nights about what to do with my Slumber Parties business. Do I let it go? Do I try it again? My amazing man (God, I love him) told me he felt like I gave up too fast. And I would have to agree. I had really high hopes with this business but I was naive. I though I would have to have zero effort with it and still take home a huge paycheck. And someone once said to me that, "everything you do in life, relationships, your job, what you put in you get out." If you put 10% of your time with someone or something, eventually that's what you'll get out. I put zero effort and investment into my business and I got zero out of it. I know success doesn't happen over night. But I know if I make some baby steps I can get there. I'll spend the next few months just training, building my inventory, learning from mentors, and then I'll start succeeding the way I KNOW I can. 
PS: Hallmark has the cutest commercials ever. And their movie tonight isn't that cheesy. Anyways.
I love Julia Stiles too. She's so cute.
ANYWAYS.
And I love Camryn Manheim too. I LOVED her in Ally McBeal.
Ohmygosh, remember when Josh Groban was on Ally McBeal. I DIED! DIED! Ugh he is so cute!
Did you know that you can't find that scene on YouTube....rude.
oooo....Josh Groban music videos! Good thing I'm home alone, I'd get made fun of by Brody for listening to such cheesy music.
Oh...yeah...I was writing a blog...
Back to 2013 so far.
Well...it's been extremely cold, and snowing, a lot. I have never seen this much snow. It's really annoying. Um...it's been smoggy and gross (Utah has the nastiest inversion...I hate it.)
I've had some amazing girl talks with friends. Realized that I need to spend more time with them just as much as I need time with my Brody. I learned that I need to work on my indecisiveness. I just need to go with my gut more. I learned that sometimes you need to invest in yourself just as much as you invest in others.
I have goals: I want to pay off debt. And I want to work on not caring what other people are doing or what they think. I need to stop letting society and culture put a timeline on me. Like when I should start having kids and get married. So far I am doing good.
And even though we've had a few setbacks I really think this is our year. I think big things will happen and I am so excited so see what's in store!
 


 

Do What Makes You Happy

The past few days have raised alot of questions for me. What do I want to do? Where do I want to be? Last night was the same as the nights before. Me, laying in bed, making pros and cons lists, asking myself more questions and trying to work out the answer. Brody woke up and drowsily asked me, "What's wrong?"
I told him I was fine just trying to turn my brain off so I could fall asleep. Then he said "Just do what makes you happy." and returned to his snoring (which in my opinion is adorable...). 
Do what makes you happy. What makes you happy? What makes me happy.
Brody makes me happy (hey...I do him....hehehe...that was naughty).
Writing makes me happy.
Puppies, kitties and fluffies make me happy.
Being around my friends and family make me happy.
Sleeping in makes me really happy.
Do what makes you happy. 
I thought about the different scenarios and which one made me happiest. But by this time I was so drowsy and finally drifted off to sleep.
This mantra followed me all through out today. Do what makes you happy. 
Last night I was putting in orders for my final order for Slumber Parties, and fond memories came to me. I always enjoyed coming home after a party and that hour of quiet, just me and hearing the clicks of my fingers typing on the computer. I liked sorting out my inventory seeing what was new on the consultant website, and it's probably late at night so it's just me with my thoughts, and maybe Taffy curled up sleeping my on lap. THAT is what made me happy.
Why am I giving it up? Because I felt like I had failed? I had seen so many women do amazing things with this business and I felt like I could never get there. So after a few months I just give up? All the successful people we know have failed once or twice in their life. What if they had given up after a few months? Would we have the use of a telephone? A car? Heart transplants? Hearing aids? 
Now by no means am I comparing what I am doing to medical miracles but what if I kept going, would someday some young twenty-something say "One day I want my business to be like Arielle's." Would I inspire someone like my sponsor Jamie inspired me? 
Do what makes you happy. And only that. Why do we constantly feel the need to do things we HATE? And sometimes we do it to impress people we don't even like. Why? I don't have the money. She won't let me do that. I'm not smart enough. Guess what? You say it, it will happen. You put boundaries there, now you have to deal with them. No one has put boundaries in your way except you. 
I have constantly said, "I don't have time. I don't have money. I'm not smart enough. I never finish what I start." and everytime I say that, the universe proves to me that it's true. If I change my way of thinking and start saying, "I DO have time. I DO have the money. I AM Smart enough." The universe will hear what I am saying and prove to me that it is true. 
I am so done with worrying about how other people do things, or how they'll think of me. I am who I am. And I really don't have anything I want to change (I'd like bigger boobies though..if we're making a list...). 
Brody may not even remember what he said last night but I will always remember that amazing advice.
Do. What. Makes. You. Happy. 
If that's being a street artist then DO IT. If that's being a stay at home mom. DO IT. If you want to be the crazy homeless guy looking for cans in the street gutter. By all means, DO IT! Who cares what others think? Who cares if others think that you may not have enough talent? You set the bar on how much you succeed. If you choose to listen to those people then you've set the bar for not ever succeeding. And later on when you proved them right you'll start saying it was because no one believed in you. No one cared about you. Oh shut up. You chose to listen, you chose to believe it, YOU are the reason that you failed. Not because your mommy or daddy didn't give you enough hugs, not because you have a learning disability, not because you were poor. You didn't succeed because YOU didn't believe in yourself, YOU didn't work hard enough. YOU chose to believe that all those factors were things that would keep you back. 
Jack Canfield was abused by his father....he now has authored all those wonderful cheesy "Chicken Soup for the Soul" books, he lives in a $6 million mansion.
John Assaraf grew up in gangs and violence and was told that's how it was going to be for the rest of his life. He is also a millionaire who studies quantum physics.
John Demartini has MULTIPLE learning disabilities and was told he'd never even graduate high school, he is now a leader in research of Human Development and Behavior (that requires a PHd if you didn't know). 
Why did these guys succeed? Because they didn't allow for things from the past to decide how their future was going to be. 
Do what makes you happy?
What do you love to do? What makes you happy? If you have to spend weeks looking for it then search for it. Even if it takes years! I still don't have my answer. But I'll be glad when I find it and start living by it. No matter how big the paycheck is, no matter where it is you just have to do it. Life is too short to being doing something you hate. Do what you love.
 

We Are Never Ever Ever Procreating. (Sing to the tune of that Super Dumb Taylor Swift song)

The last few days have been really awesome birth control. If it goes on for very much longer I think I'll just scrape my internal sexual organs out with a noodle ladle. 
Yesterday I was puked on, sneezed on and cried at for 8 hours. I tried tv shows, books, bottles, binkies, nothing would work. The second I got in the car I lost it. Like compulsive sobbing lost it. When I got home Brody said he wanted to take me out to dinner. I looked down at my puked stain shirt and started to cry again. When I left this morning my shirt and pants were clean my hair was in a cute little bun, now half my hair is out and my pants are also soaked in puke. Yummy. 
I showered and changed into some clothes that were not covered in snot and puke and we had dinner at a Sushi restaurant. It was totally different for us to do since it was a Tuesday night. I really appreciate that Brody did that for me and us. We haven't done something spontaneous like that in a long time!
In other news. I just found out that I will have my Discover Card paid off in April....YAAAY! So happy that I will have one thing done and can start paying another bill off. But I did the math and if I keep paying what I'm paying now....it'll take me 22 years to pay everything off. Yeah. I'm back at the drawing board.
I was speaking to an old friend the other day about everything that was going on. She was really surprised that I "quit" Slumber Parties. I put that in quotations because it's more of a "hiatus" then "quitting". 
"But you were SO good at it and it seemed like such a natural fit for you!"
"Yeah I know but if I'm going to have my own business I want to have the time and the money to invest in it. With the blog and the job, I just don't have time. Should I stop blogging?"
"NO! If you do that not only will people miss you, but you have a really amazing talent with writing and you would be wasting it. If anything quit the job and do Slumber Parties and the blogging." 
"I WISH! But I would need time to put my name out and get more clients and add more stock and like I said, time and money. I mean it's not like I need to spend like a thousand dollars but I'm more concerned with bills. And I'm trying to save up for Real Estate school."
"Yeah, why are you doing that? Not saying you wouldn't be great or that you shouldn't do it but just wondering."
"I need a job with ADULT interaction, I need a job that makes the dough, everyday is different and I love customer service...when people aren't dumb."
"Honey I hate to burst your bubble....but didn't you just describe Slumber Parties?"
...................."Uh...yeah...I did." 
"Ok so how much a month are you saving up for school?"
"Well it costs $500 I'm putting away maybe $40 a month. And then the test cost something and then I have to pay to belong to some realtor club thingy. So I'm like a too legit to quit realtor person."
"So let's just aim big here and say it'll cost you $1000 to do everything you need to do."
"Okey dokey."
"If you had saved that would you rather put it towards Slumber Parties...or real estate?"
"Can I ask the audience? Or phone a friend?"
"There's no correct answer Ari. It's just up to you."
"You know...sometimes I would really like to find the manual that came with me when I was born and flip to chapter 23 and see what I'm supposed to do."
"Arie-"
"Don't say the only manual is the Bible or quote that Natasha Bedingfield song and say my life is a book and I am the author or some cheesy shit like that."
"Holy shit....that was exactly what I was going to say." 
I still don't know what I want to do. I get so frustrated because it seems like every 10 minutes I change my mind. It makes me feel really angry at myself. I hate that I am SO indecisive. Every time I change my mind I feel like I am not acting like a responsible adult. When I was in high school if I changed what I wanted to do when I "grew up" there were a lot of teachers and tutors who would make fun of me or not support me and it hurt. And I still feel that way today. I know that it annoys Brody sometimes when it comes to certain things. It's something that I really don't like about myself and wish I could change it. I also wish there was those big ass signs that you would see and then you knew the answer. I never had one of those. I never had a defining moment where I said "I KNOW I should be doing this." Except for when I realized I would like to do Slumber Parties. But I don't know if I was ready for that responsibility at that time. I would LOVE to change this part of my brain. But how do you start? Was there something you did not like about yourself mentally, emotionally or spiritually so you changed it? And how did you do it?
Well there is one thing that I DO know. And that is: I am very good at sleeping. If anyone needed a professional sleeper, I'd be the chick. So I do believe that I will be taking my indecisive ass to bed and I will sleep on all the questions I am pondering. Stay classy interwebs. 
 

This Post Has Everything! Vodka! Birth Control! Crying!

I know I say it a lot in my posts, but winter can suck it. I am SO tired of snow and ice and cold and bad commutes! And the sad thing with Utah is that we never know when it will start and when it will end. It can start in October or it can start in January. It can end in March or it can end in May! We've had snow in June before! People in Alaska are like "Shut up." But um, I don't live in Alaska for a reason. 
So Saturday I had a Girls Day! Oh I needed it bad. The only two adults I interact with during the week is my boss and Brody, I only interact with one other person duing the week...and it's the 20 month old Toddler that I watch. So I interact with two girls during the whole week. One is a professional interaction and one is all about coloring and singing "The Wheels On The Bus.". Yeah, by Friday I was pretty much to my limit. So much so that I began crying because Brody was watching some manly movie and I just wanted to watch Sex and the City. (more about this crying thing later...) I fell asleep by by bowl of Top Ramen at 8:45. On a friday night. I may look like a 23 year old but man, sometimes I think I'm closer to 70. 

Yeah. That's me. So on Saturday I woke up a little bit before 7am. And I watched a marathon of Golden Girls. (refer to comment above about me being 70). I went over to my friend Jamie's house around 130 and AWESOMEST GIRL DAY commenced. Which consisted of Chik-Fil-A (and watching a girl steal an entire basket of mints...klepto...I suspect she was one of those YOLO tardhats.) getting me drunk (150 proof does 2 things for Arielle: 1.) gets her wasted SUPER fast. 2.) Makes her magically know the words to "Love Is A Battlefield.") going to Maverick drunk, Jamie finding out that if I laugh REALLY hard I snort (this is how I made friends in summer camp.) more laughter, and awesome girl talks. I REALLY needed this girls day. I felt like a brand new chick afterwards. Probably due to the 150 proof vodka that was now pumping through my blood stream. But whatever,. So Brody came and picked me up after his boys night (boy need to have their bromances just as much as girls need their gal pals) I forgot that if I'm really drunk I get the shivers really bad, so Brody, who was dying of heat, had to blast the heat all the way home. The next day Brody left to go snowboarding and I nursed my mega-hangover. And it began to snow...again. On his way home from boarding Brody's car slid off the road and got stuck. Um. Scariest voicemail I ever received. Oh and the best part is, they no longer make chargers for my phone so I only have one for my car and my phone is almost dead, my car is at Jamie's house. Yeah. Awesome. So after worrying and worrying Brody finally got home. After a quick dinner we left go to get my car. Now the roads are covered in snow. No plows in sight (way to go). It takes us about an hour to get to Jamie's and the ride home was SUPER stressful. I was going 20 mph and still sliding everywhere. There are idiots in HUGE trucks going like 70 mph and sliding everywhere and semi passing me and blowing snow onto my car and they can't stay in their own lane. I was on the verge of tears the whole way home.

 When I got home, I was so stressed my stomach was in knots. All my stress goes into my stomach and my shoulder blades. If I'm really stressed I toss my cookies and you can actually see the knots coming out of my shoulder blades. I did both of those things last night. We were so exhausted by the end of the night that we just went to bed. By 9 pm. 


So more about the whole "crying over the fact that I can't watch a TV show." Over the past 4 or 5 months I have been really anxious, depressed, and moody, all I want to do is sleep and I have no appetite at all. It started out as only feeling that way on my period. But about 2 months ago it started the week before my period. Now it is ALL the time. Well not all the time, I have my good moments. But I have also been hiding it A LOT. I'll have huge panic attacks or anxiety attacks when Brody's not home. I always get these huge attacks and think he is going to leave me or cheat on me (which in my sane state of mind I know he would NEVER do that) I get really mad or irritated with people and they don't even do anything. I have been trying SO hard not to lash out at Brody because he never deserves to be treated that way. But sometimes I do and up til last night he had no idea why. Last night when he got home I was seriously to the end of my rope and couldn't hold on anymore. The whole day yesterday I was anxious, depressed and weepy. I tried not to be when he got home because the whole snow situaton really stressed him out and I didn't want to stress him more but then the lightbulb went off. I started feeling super moody about a month after I switched birth control. I got online and researched it and found out alot of other women had the same issue. At that point I was just so relieved to know it wasn't me and it was something that could be fixed, that I started getting emotional and shaking. I finally told Brody and now I am going to talk to my doctor about switching, I am so happy that I can finally feel normal again. If anyone has any recommendations let me know please!!!
Back on the moving out of state front. Brody is getting more and more serious about the moving. I asked for one more year. I would really like to move back up near Roy where we are closer to family and friends and maybe next winter won't be as bad as this winter was. So we are still not set in concrete about our decision. I think I am more back and forth about this whole moving thing than Brody is. But I know that if it is meant to be it will happen and the universe will show us what we need to do. That's how it always works, doesn't it?