Friday, June 1, 2012

Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Do something everyday that scares you." or something to that effect (I'm too lazy to look up the actual quote). Technically, for me, that translates to "hang out with those huge ass spiders from Harry Potter everyday." And since I'm not down with that I decided to do the second scariest thing on my list; Zumba. 
I have taken one class before and it ended up with me sneaking out and probably heading to either the liquor store or the Krispie Kreme drivethru...or maybe both. But lately I have been on this "well being" kick. And not only do I have to get some biceps but it is time for me to step out of my comfort zone. I think that's why people get so bored with their lives. They get used to the same old routine. There's nothing like a shitload of fear in your veins to get the heartbeat going and your routine shaken up a bit. I signed up for a Zumba and a flexibility class. Oi vey. To  make a long story short if you ever want a visual of me doing Zumba take a spaghetti noodle and make it move in awkward positions and you'll be spot on. 
Along with my spaghetti dancing and trying to bend in ways that are not natural I have also been doing yoga (see; "trying to bend in ways not natural") and a Julian Michaels workout(see; death) but luckily for society and myself I do those  two in the comfort of my own home. I have also been "trying to eat healthier" we'll see how that goes. And I've been starting on a path of "spiritual and emotional well-being (insert snort laughter here). Yeah it sounds lame but I want to feel more connected to the world and to myself. I've been re-reading Eat Pray Love and The Secret. Which you haven't read you should. They're awesome. And I was reading the part in Eat Pray Love where Elizabeth experiences Loneliness and Depression while in Rome. And I realized, I have never really be alone. I'm always with a thought or a sound or a person or a task. Today, for example, I got up, worked out, got ready for work, worked for 7 hours, came home and started dinner. While doing this if I wasn't with a person I had music on or the tv or on the Internet. I never just sit. I never "just be". Just be. Something I say to myself when I start to stress about money I don't need to worry about or worry about a problem that's not even there. It's a saying my friend Mandy taught me. Just be. It means just be here. Just be you. Just be now. So after my dinner instead of cleaning it up right away or getting on the computer or texting my boyfriend, I just sat there. For 10 minutes. Just me. And it was nice. I realized that since Brody and I started dating I haven't been ok being by myself. I freak out. I worry that I'm not doing what I should be doing in the relationship or that one night away is going to ruin my entire relationship. And in that moment of just being with me I realized I have been neglecting the relationship with myself. That's not Brody's fault at all. Since I have been with him he has brought out the best part of me. He has made me better and want to be better. I have just forgotten that he isn't the only person that can make me feel that way. I can make myself feel that way too. So it's just a thing I'm working on. Anyways. I'm not entirely sure how the Zumba thing will turn out but I'll give it a few more sessions til I give it a final decision. Maybe I'll upgrade from a spaghetti noodle to fettuccine.