Sunday, January 23, 2011

127 Things You MUST Remember On A Date

So over the weekend (which it is still for 1 more hour), I went on a blind date. Kinda. It was my friends 33rd and fabulous birthday and we went to Kamikazes to check out a band, and the trumpet player whom we were hoping would turn out to be my friend's special b-day present but actually just turned out to be your run of the mill musician (big ego, lots of chicks blah blah blah). Whilst (yes I said "whilst") we were there my friend had me meet a friend of hers. Being totally honest with you, I would never think I would see myself with a guy like him. He's kind of a hick but what was really nice for change is that he was respectful and didn't make it his objective to get in my pants by the time the band was off stage. Or if it was he hid it well and it failed. Mostly because I had a terrible head cold (which I still have) and I don't pop my cork for every guy I see (name that musical!!!). The band was crazy loud, which could kill a first date, or in my case a 1st meeting, so we went to the other side of the bar and tried to talk. Let's just say it ended well because we are going out again tomorrow.
I have this habit when it comes to dating. I have no idea if I'm interested in the guy or the attention the guy is giving to me. Which I feel makes me a horrible person. Mostly because if it turns out that I'm being an attention whore than I'm totally leading the poor guy on. And I never want to intentionally do that! I think it's because I'm so not used to having the attention so when someone is offering this dog a bone I will do every trick in the book. Roll over, play dead, sit, stay, fetch the paper. So instead of listening to my ego (which is reeeeeaaallllyyyy loud sometimes) I'm going to attempt to listen to my gut. Because 85% of the time my gut is right. I think.
That is not my only problem when it comes to being a single gal. When I prepare for a date it's better to tell me 10 minutes before rather than 10 days. Because for those 10 days I turn into a lunatic. Teeth whitening treatments, hair treatments, extra time working out at the gym and hours upon hours of research of "what a guy really notices" in Cosmo. Yes, I have grown this disgusting addiction to Cosmo magazine. A guy friend once told me that he reads Cosmo to find out what turns him on and what he likes in the girl. Meaning that those glossy pages of step by step instructions are BS. I vowed that I would never turn to a magazine to see how dateable I am and how I can be the freakin hottest woman in the room and yet I found myself mulling for hours over the pages and then (yes we are getting drastic) going on to learn more! Now I'm freaking out over what to text back and what restaurant to choose and how I should pluck my eyebrows and will he notice my roots and what jeans will make my butt look amazing. And when did I start compromising myself for a guy?! I'm going to say what comes to my mind and he doesn't have to like it or accept it. My ass is my ass and sorry but I'm not going to change it. I want BBQ ribs I will have BBQ ribs. I'm loud and obnoxious if you know me and if you don't you have to practically water board me to get me to speak. I don't care if I'm not what the majority of men want. Because I don't want the majority of men. I want one who is going to deal with my quirks and my girlish antics and the fact that I hate beer and don't like the taste of alcohol and in no way am I a bad ass. He's not going to care that my spine resembles a crazy straw or I break out in hives for no damn reason. He's going to care that I laugh at everything and I'm insanely loyal to the one's I love and I'm a driven individual. So as I finish typing this (as much as it pains me) I am closing the tab that opens to the article "What To Do And What Not To Do On The 2nd Date :How To Hook Him". I'm not a project for a magazine. I am me and if he doesn't like it on the 2nd date, he's not going to like it on the 3rd or the 4th or the 5th. And honestly that's ok. Tomorrow night I am going to be the awesome Arielle Boardman and I'm going to have fun and see where it goes without having any expectations. Why worry about where life's going to take you? Isn't that mystery the most fun part of life?

Sunday, January 9, 2011

All You're Ever Gonna Be Is Mean

Today sucked ass. Total ass. Like ass in a dumpster ass. First of all I worked today. Normally I love working . But not today. We are starting inventory at Macys and it is the worst thing ever. And and top of that people are mean. Really mean. And they are rude. They think they are the center of the universe and anyone wearing a name badge and is behind the desk ringing up their stuff is just chopped liver. This one lady had a return and she handed me a huge stack of receipts and said "I don't know what one its one so you can deal with it." and she ripped me a new one because of a $3 difference of a sweater. ITS A SWEATER FOR CHRISTS SAKES! I BET THE KID WHO MADE IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE THAT IN A DAY!!! That's what I wanted to say. But I didn't.
Which comes to my next point. I don't say whats on my mind ALOT. For example I have this friend who likes to ditch me and flakes on me constantly. She never keeps her promises and I would be telling the truth by saying: although I was there when her dog died, she probably wouldn't be there if mine did...if I had one...but we get the point. What I want to say to her is: You're the worse person I have ever encountered. You only care about yourself and what you want when everyone else is bending over backward for YOU. Your loyalty SUCKS! You wouldn't piss in my ear if my brain was on fire if it was an inconvenience for you. How many times have I put down my life for you? How many times have I dropped my plans or what I want for you? How come everyone else can be put on hold and on the back burner but you can't? I am sick all winter break. I see you twice. I'm sitting by myself in  my room doing nothing while you are off playing with your friends. Why can't I be the stupid carefree one that can go bowling and doesn't have to work 2 jobs and go to school full time? Why can't I be the one who doesn't feel guilty when I'm running 3 hours late? I don't want to see you or talk to you . I want to stop being in a toxic friendship.
But it won't happen. I don't have the balls to say it. And the second it comes out, instead of feeling relieved, I'll feel guilty and beg for forgiveness and forgive her because "it's just who she is and I have to accept her for it." But do I? Should I accept shoddy friends? Don't I deserve to have someone to drop everything for me? I've been doing it for almost 5 years now. Whens my turn? I just discovered I have spell check on this blog....interesting. Anyways. Now moving on. No more wasting my energy on something and someone so negative.
School started and it has been INSANITY! But I'm in love with insanity. I'm going full time which it has been a year since I have been a full time student. It's going to be a hell of a challenge but I'm ready for it. I'm taking History of Law Enforcement: which is wonderful. I am going to learn sooooo much from my professor I feel really lucky to have him. Criminal Investigations: Which is taught by my Forensic Science prof I had last semester. He's also an awesome instructor and I'm really excited for this class. The textbook makes me giddy (yes I am a nerd.). Laws of Evidence: This is going to be my horror. But I am going to pass it. My prof told me I should just drop the class because there is no way someone like me will pass it and I said "watch me." and he replied "you're either going to be my least or most favorite student...I haven't decided yet," And I love proving people wrong so I have decided I have passed that class. Not "will", "have". And Healthy Lifestyles: Which I don't know anything about because I haven't gone to it yet. My goal this semester is to be taken seriously. Mostly by myself but also by others. I'm tired of being surprised when I do well. By the end of this semester, hopefully sooner, I want to be able to say "I'm smart and nothing is too difficult for me." I am going to stop saying that I'm a 'slow learner". That girl no longer exists. Only Amazingly Smart Arielle exists.I also want other people to take me seriously. I know I should be all "only my opinion matters blah blah blah." But I want to say "I want to be a Police Officer." with out someone saying "Are you sure?" or "Seriously?" or "You?!" Yeah it's getting more annoying than people asking me if I'm a mermaid. And I get that one alot. But, I am so ready for this semester and I know it's not going to be easy. But I want to make my mom and my stepdad proud. I want to make my grandpa and my grandma proud. I don't think I have done anything lately to make them proud and this semester I am going to make them proud. And most importantly I am going to make MYSELF proud. I am going to be HAPPY and I'm not going to fall through the cracks. This semester I am no longer giving other people credit where its due to me. I'm not to brush it off when people tell me I have done a good job. I'm going to bask in it. It's my turn. It's my year.
Today may have been a crappy day. But it's not going to make my year bad. 2011 is going to be MY year. I am going to live it to the fullest. When it's time to ring in 2012, 2011 is going to have my fingerprints alllllll over it.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Burgers, Backpacks and Bravery

So right now I am currently sitting on my unmade bed surrounded by newly bought school supplies and regretting ever meeting In N Out. Which could possibly be the best burger chain in America but, my intestines would like to disagree.
Anyways. While I was out and about today something got to me. I was at Target and every 30 seconds someone was stepping on me, running me over with their cart or pushing me out of the way. And every single time they would say "oh, I didn't see you." On my way out of the store I was almost hit by a car and the guy rolled down his window and said "I'm so sorry I didn't see you!" I know I lost alot of weight from being sick the past couple of weeks but I didn't know I became invisible. But then again, maybe it's not me. Maybe people have just become so into themselves that they totally forget that there are other people on this planet. Oh well.
Moving on. Tomorrow is my first day back as a full time college student!! Hence the school supplies. I'm so excited. I'm like the little kid before his first day of Kindergarten. I had everything ready since before New Years. I will probably get up at 3 am to get ready and get to school at 5 am and wait in my excellent parking spot til class starts at 7:30. Let's just pray I wake up with my alarm. That can be difficult sometimes. heh.
Before I go I just want to talk (or write, I'm not really talking) about one more thing. On New Years Eve there was a horrible trailer fire in Clearfield. A 5 year old little girl couldn't escape and passed away. Thank God the 2 other children did. The whole trailer is completely destroyed. But my stepdad, being the awesome human being he is, is offering a burial plot to the family. So I just want to thank my stepdad for showing the world that you can do selfless things and not have any strings attached. I also want to give thanks to the Firefighters and Police Officers and Dispatchers. They have such a difficult job and sometimes it's hard to see the rewards they get from their career but they are definitly angels and I am so grateful for all of them keeping all of us safe everyday.
Hope everybody at Weber has an awesome first day tomorrow and GOODNIGHT!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Leaving My Fingerprints

Everyday I think of how my actions will affect others. Every decision I make is usually decided for me. Not directly but I always will push what I want aside to avoid disappiontment and to gain validation. Last night (New Years Eve) I realized that at the end of it all, when it's all said and done, what am I going to think of how I lived of my life? Why am I causing MYSELF stress and worry to please others? Why am I not saying how I feel and what i want? How come my opinon doesn't matter. Why do I allow myself to get into a depressive state because my friends flaked out on me again? Instead of being a pisshead I should be going out and having fun and making more dependable friends who will actually come see me when I have bronchitis on my birthday and New Years Eve. I have to say I have grown alot. I have made some incredible friends in the past year. Mandy for example. She's like my big sister. She gives the BEST advice and has really helped me grow into my own person. She has helped me grow out of my naiveness...if thats a word. For the first time I have a dependable friend. She doesn't ditch me. She doesn't say she'll be there in 10 minutes and 3 hours later I'm texting her where she is. She is one of the people who have been my "angels". I found out that I love being single. I don't need to be with someone! I don't need a guy telling me how beautiful I am or how smart or funny I am. It's totally ok for me to say "I'm a smart chick. I can be fu**ing hilarious sometimes." I'm still working on the first one. BUT THATS OK! It's a beautiful thing to always be a work in progress! What would happen if we stopped being works in progress? It definitly wouldn't be interesting. I see people my age getting married and having babies and rushing to find who they are. And maybe that works for them and they are ready for that. I look at myself and say, Uhhh I'm 21 years old. I have no idea what I want or who I am. I'm not ready to make a life long commitment to somebody. I'm selfish like that. I don't want to have to run the idea of "Girl's Night Out" by somebody. If I want to go out on Girls Night then dammit I'm going to. I love being single and getting to know myself. Shouldn't I have a pretty good idea of who I am before somebody else should? This is MY time, It's time for me to LIVE for myself. Not just exisiting but reallllllllly living. Taking risks and getting hurt and dusting myself off. It's time to stop letting everybody else leave their fingerprints on my story, it's time for me to leave my fingerprint.