Friday, February 18, 2011

Even Naked Signs Aren't Effective.

I have learned something about men in the past week. They are clueless. They aren't stupid. Just clueless. In order for them to realize you are flirting with them you have to be practically naked with a sign that says "HI I AM FLIRTING WITH YOU IS ANYBODY IN THERE???" And still you probably would need to explain yourself. But I am starting to think that I am the one with the issue...seriously. It seems that I attract the ones I don't like and repel the ones I do. Like horribly. To the point where I think one of them might go into the Witness Protection Program, And I don't think I'm doing anything wrong! I don't text him every second of the day. Or say anything crazy or creepy. I'm chill and I'm not one of those people who if you don't respond in ten seconds sends you a "AHEM I'M TALKING TO YOU ARE YOU THERE!!!??" I am constantly asking myself if I am getting close to the crazy person line. I don't know. Maybe I should just back off of the whole dating thing, But seriously what do men want? They want you to take charge they want them to approach you. They want you all dolled up they want you in sweats. They want you to pay they want you not to pay. They call you and then suddenly they just stop calling you. WHAT DO GUYS WANT FROM US? Now I honestly don't care anymore. Just writing about it makes me realize that it's all too much work. Why go to them when they can come to me? And if they don't then too bad. Ugh. Now I'm exhausted. Which brings me to my next point.
I have started working out again. I've been doing it for a few weeks now but this week I have really been kicking my ass. And it hurts. Really. I'm so sore. But yesterday I went to one of those consultations where they tell you what you should be doing and how to get there what to eat. Whatever. Well my biggest thing was that I have a horrible nutrition. Yeah. And I'm telling you this after I just ate V-Day chocolates, Cheetos, and a baked potato with enough butter to kill Paula Deen if she saw it. I love eating. I hate cooking but I love eating. I eat when I'm bored I eat when I'm sad I eat when I'm full from eating. So I'm wondering how I can improve this when I live in a house where we have a chocolate cake sitting on the counter and cookies are on the grocery list every week. No idea. But at least I'm keeping up with my gym. Even though I feel like a giant puddle of jello today I'm still going. I'm still at the point were if Julian Michaels saw me she would probably go Rambo on me but I'm a work in progress. While my friends go to the gym to look hot for boys I go so I can pass an insane physical test that I have in a few months and will be soooo mad at myself if I don't pass it.
So while everyone is out and about having a crazy Friday night I will be eating a fruit tray and Rotisserie Chicken watching movies in my jammies with my Bestie Mandy. Because even though my thighs hate me right now and I can't get a date to save my life, I still have the coolest friends in the world. And I'm kinda ok with that right now. Feel free to join us!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

A Letter To My Best Friend

Some people say "it's only a dog." But you were more than a dog. You were my best friend. Your birthday is this month. I always thought it was fitting that it was close to Valentines Day. Because you were just a huge pile of love.  Your tail was constantly wagging (and knocking over stuff) and you had all the kisses in the world to give. I am a big believer that dog kisses are the best bandaids in the world. They healed the horrible date I had for the Valentines dance my junior year. They helped when we found out Grandma had Cancer. They helped when I would come home from school crying because someone hurt my feelings. I wish I would have appreciated them more. Horrible dog breath and all. Even though it will be 4 years this April that you will have been gone I still miss you so much. I still need you. It's too much for me and I need the guarantee I used to have, the guarantee that you're there. Yeah you shit in my bed once and you stole my chocolate when it fell on the floor. And I'm sorry for yelling at you and ignoring you when that happened. I'm sorry I got mad at you when that happened.
I know that Taffy tries. But she's a cat. They're not a breed of unconditional love ya know. She bites me when I'm sad....I like to think they're love bites. But I think I could be wrong. There are moments when she can be affectionate. But they don't last very long.
I wish when things went wrong I could use you as a pillow like I used to. And we would just lay there. You're not like everyone else who needs an explanation of why I feel the way I do. You'd let me be sad. I didn't need a reason to be.
I know you were old. And you were in pain. And you couldn't be a dog anymore. And I didn't want you to lose anymore of your quality of life. But I wish you were here. You were the one friend that I could depend on. And I'm mad you're gone. I'm mad that I loved you so much and you couldn't stay. I'm mad I couldn't be there when they put you down. I'm mad that God makes me live for 70 years or whatever and you could only live for 12. It's not fair.
I guess I just wanted to say that I miss you. And there are moments that it would be really useful if you were here. One day it won't hurt as much. It's hurt alot less than it has 4 years ago. I'm sure in 4 more it will hurt a lost less. I see you in every dog. You taught me patience, friendship, responsibility and most importantly love. Yeah I know that's really corny. But you did. I'm sure you're having a hell of a time up in doggy heaven. I bet you have giant bones and a giant pool to swim in and lots of room to act like a maniac. One day I will have another dog. But it'll never replace you. You were the best friend a girl could have. I'll catch you on the flip side Ebony. I love you.