Saturday, July 16, 2011

Waxing and The Wilderness (Two Totally Seperate Things...)

Every 4 to 6 weeks I endure the biggest pain in my life during the Spring/ Summer months. It's not pretty in any way and sometimes I wonder if it's really worth it. But after switching to an alternative I learned that it is worth it. Bikini waxes. Boys, I suggest skipping to the next paragraph. It was time to get it done before my big camping trip (that story later) and I went to the girl I always go to. She's awesome and it doesn't really hurt. This time was a tad different. After getting stripped down she puts the wax on the first area AND HOLY SHITBALLS IT BURNS!
"Nope I'm good." And I'm an idiot.
After enduring 3 strips of pain and horror she has me inspect the area to make sure I'm satisfied with the results. I don't know about all ya'lls but I'm NEVER satisfied with burn boils on my lady parts. Now she's on to the other side.
"Oh shit."
"That's a sentence I never want to hear a waxer say....ever."
"I just have some wax stuck. I can get it off."
And then my waxer went to third base with me. We both looked at each other in horror after her finger slipped in a certain area associated with bikini waxing.
"Wow. And I'm paying YOU. Usually I'd like a dinner first."
We busted up in hysterics with me switching back and forth between laughter and howls of pain.
I still had wax on me when I got home.
At least I would look good in my new low riser bikini bottoms!
If I didn't have cellulite.
When we walked out for me to settle my (discounted) bill, every person in the salon was looking at us in horror.
I wonder if that salon will ever schedule a wax ever again.
I wonder why it was soooo busy for a Tuesday.
Moving on. My BFF/ Partner in Crime Mandy and I decided we should go CAMPING!
Arielle+Nature= no bueno.
We arrived at the Lava Hot Springs KOA and it was time to set up camp!
Good thing Mandy can set up a tent. Or we'd be sleeping in the car.
And by the way I'm SO good at shouting out instruction. Not GIVING them. SHOUTING them.
We checked out the bathrooms.
KOA is the ONLY way ANYBODY will get me to sleep in a tent.
Holy pooper these bathrooms were prettier than mine! And I have a pretty bathroom. I was really tempted to tell Mandy that I had the runs and just put my sleeping bag on the floor and sleep there.
Next we had to make a fire.
Correction: MANDY had to make a fire. And I had to instructions to shout out so my job was easy. My job was to sit. And drink bitch beers.
Marshall, Mandy's boyfriend gave us firewood. Correction: he thought we were going to build a deck so he gave us wood for that. After lighting every napkin that came from Mandy's car (and she's a mom so she has ALOT of napkins) and thinking like the girl's we are and spraying the wood with hairspray (which didn't work, which disappoints me because I always envisioned burning the face of a home intruder with a lighter and a can of hairspray...if I owned a lighter,) We FINALLY got a fire going (correction: Mandy FINALLY got a fire going.). The night was miserable. I had 5 blankets and my sleeping bag and I was still freezing. And my back was KILLING me.There's a reason why God made beds. I was not meant to sleep on the ground like a chipmunk. Ew. The next morning we hit the hot pools. I can see why I was soooo worried about my cellulite. All the hotties from the home were there. Seriously. I think Maple Acres Senior Center took a field trip that day. After that I broke out in nasty hives got a horrid sunburn and was miserable the rest of the day. But we decided against the camping food (thank God) and went to the Chuckwagon Cafe (or something like that) and had the best Green Chile Corn Chowder EVER! It was like Jesus had seen all the misery I had been going through and said "Here Arielle, have some yummy goodness." and then declined my credit card. (Thanks for dinner Mandy!) We had ran out of firewood (because we had to use it all the night before. Good jorb Marshall.) so we went to the KOA to buy some. And GASP the KOA had none. The only thing wrong with the KOA. So we drove around trying to find some for sale. We found a house with a crap load in the backyard. At first we were going to just jack some but then we grew a conscience (gross) and figured we should ask. So Mandy did all the talking (like usual) and I did all the...sitting (like usual). And this time we had a REAL fire with REAL firewood. (again. Good. Job. Marshall.) We drank beers and sang theme songs from kid shows and broadway show tunes (our KOA neighbors LOVED us.). And had a 30 minute conversation with a bird that said "ARWIE!" (if anyone can name the species of the bird and show me a picture I will take them to Applebees for 2 for $20.) The night was awesome. We laughed and had a great gals night. Until we had a huge lightening storm and thought we were going to die. Again. I hate nature. It ruins EVERYTHING! The next morning we awoke packed up our stuff and left the grand KOA. Overall it was a great trip and I had a friggin blast. I will never go camping again. Maaaaaybe if it's a KOA. And it's one night. And I can drink alcohol.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

I'm Just A Bill, Yeah I'm Only A Bill

You know what I LOOOOOVE? Facebook fights. They are HA-larious. I love reading them and then commenting right in the middle of heat. Usually I like to comment irrelevant stuff just to piss people off. Things such as "my crayon bleeds purple." and "So my period started today." I love how these people are FRIENDS! HA! It's so great. And it's always about dumb stuff like politics. And then everyone joins against one person. And I kinda feel bad for that person but then again, it's their own damn fault for not learning social skills. Or taking medication to at least pretend they have social skills.
I have no idea what good or bad Obama has done in office, and frankly I don't want you to tell me. I have no opinion on abortion 1.) because I'm not a unborn fetus. 2.) I'm not knocked up 3.) I'm not God. I don't think a grostky 80 yr old senator from Delaware should have an opinion either. because 1.) he's not an unborn fetus. 2.) He's not knocked up(and if he is,he better be for Gay marriage...) and 3.) even though he probably thinks he is...he's not God either. Don't ask me what's the situation in Libya because I didn't know that was country until like 5 weeks ago. And the only thing I know about Senatorial shtuff and other political things are limited to what was shown on School of Rock. This is what I do know:
I'm ECSTATIC Bin Laden is dead.
I think the government is taking way to much out of my paycheck and I really don't know why but I'll forgive them because they give it back.
We are always saving other countries asses when they have a "natural disaster" or a "war" but last time I checked, no one was hauling ass over here when Katrina hit or when Alabama had a shit-load of tornadoes.
I wasn't planning on inviting ANY political figure to my wedding soooo...why do they care who I am marrying if they don't get a choice of chicken or steak at the reception.
And I will vote for whoever wants to fund my college education.
I used to be really in the dark about current events. I never watched the news until one day I met the silverfox of my dreams: Anderson Cooper.
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GUY???!!! He's delicious. Even Simon Cowell can't pull off a tight Under Armor Tee while hanging on to a flagpole in the middle of a hurricane/ bloody revolution. I don't care if he is only 2 years younger than my mother (hands off lady I dibs first). The man ages like a GOD! You would think all the sorrow and horror this dude has seen he would AT LEAST have worry wrinkles. None my friends...none. I always dreamed that one day I will amaze him with my spunky political knowledge and before you know it Im picking out his tie for the next gripping episode of ANDERSON COOPER 360! Every night at 8pm I'm all about government budgets and political scandals, and human suffering and whatever. The man could be doing a report on staplers and I'm HOOKED. Alot of people think he's gay. If this is true I would be in grieving for like 6 months. I have NO problem with homosexuals. I have awesome friends who are gay and I love that they are happy with their lifestyle. I'm all for Gay rights. I just don't like the men I find attractive gay. Which I think is understandable. Sooooo anyways. My chances of meeting Anderson Cooper are the same of Charlie Sheen becoming normal. So I will continue pretending I know what they are talking about when they say "health care reform" and "government shutdowns" (that was reallllly lame by the way, way to work everyone up and then hang us out to dry.) And I will continue interrupting people's persnickety facebook fights. You have been warned losers.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Never Got Around To It

My Nay-Nay was a notorious quirky woman. She held a grudge against the Dodgers because they traded from Brooklyn to Los Angeles, that happened in 1957. And you would never bring up Jennifer Aniston in a conversation unless you were begging to have a two hour conversation about mediocre acting. She bought anything that was on sale, even if she already had it. She was a tough woman from New York who would not take any crap from anybody. Not even cancer, in which she had to show up everybody by beating not only breast cancer, but she had to fight lung cancer at the same time. And when they said she wasn't going to make it through the surgery (which was in 2003) she HAD to throw it in everyones face by making it for 8 more years.
I noticed that when someone dies, everyone throws around "never got around to it". "We were going to do this but we never got around to it." "We were going to do that but, we never got around to it." What if we did get around to it? What if we did everything with the ones we loved? At the end of the road would it be easier to let go? Or as living beings, would we find something to make us want to hold on longer? Is it programmed in our brain to not want to let our loved ones go?
I think back to my friend's funeral. He had Cystic Fibrosis and passed away when he was way too young, But at his funeral, it wasn't a heavy feeling you usually feel. It was light and loving. His family knew he could breathe and he wasn't in pain. His dad gave this amazing talk about passing your test in  life and how his son just passed his test so fast that God was ready for him. I'd like to think my grandma's test had lots of answers such as:
Sardine Sandwiches puts hair on your chest (as a young girl this thought terrified me).
If you insist to your grandchildren that you are an alien, they WILL believe you (glad you finally found your way back to the mothership NayNay).
Yogurt is a substantial meal.
Work hard, love harder, grandma's hands are the best to hold because they are always warm, rag curls are the best done by pulling the hair as hard as possible (which now I thank her for my extremely strong scalp). And stand for what you believe and never back down. Oh and the more Virgin Mary's you have in the house, the more points you'll get in heaven.
I'll miss you Nay Nay. I'm proud of everything you have done. I hope one day I can be half the woman you were. I'm so happy you are finally with your daughter and Pop-Pop and your mom and your dad. I bet George and Ebony were soooooo happy to see you. Emily, I'm not so sure if she made it up there...fine...I bet Emily was happy to see you too (I don't know how the devil dog made it up to heaven, but I don't get to choose who goes up and who goes down...whatever). I'll catch you on the flipside. I LOVE you!
Alicia Pink

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Making Messes...Not Just For Kids Anymore.

So I woke up at like 8:30 this morning with no alarm clock and no reason to be up that early. It is times like this that makes me feel like a grown up. Until...I had to make coffee.
Since starting the new job I have become kinda addicted to the stuff. I have like 2 cups at work. So this morning I wanted to use my stepdads coffee maker (yay for living at home!) and make me some here. Well..
First of all. Our coffee maker at work doesn't require us to put water inside the coffee thingy jig (my terminology gives you hope for the rest of this story yes?). All I have to do is put the giant filter in the other thingy jig put the coffee in the filter and put the coffee thingy jig under the first thingy jig. Makes sense? Follow closely. Well. This morning about 2 minutes into my "feeling grown up" coffee making I realize...where is the water going to come from. Yes folks I didn't know until "googling" (thank god it's not 1994 for I would be SCREWED) that water had to go in the back of the coffee maker. So I hurried and turned the coffee maker off and added water. WELL. Now I have coffee spurting out of the spurty thing and its getting everywhere but the coffee pot. So after I fixed that all seems to be better. But now after pouring my coffee, I have a mess to clean up. The kitchen looks like I let my 4 year old nephew have a field day with the coffee maker. While cleaning it up I kept asking myself "why do you always have to learn the hard way?" And that started me questioning myself in more deeper subjects than coffee making. So while my inner bully kept ragging on me all of a sudden this voice rang out (I like to call it my inner Bronx lady) and said "HEY! Sometimes that's a good thing! What did people do before Google and Owners Manuals huh?! Yeah they learned you big jerk! And where do YOU get off telling us that we're stupid? You're in this too bully! And learning things the hard way makes it so we don't make the same mistakes AND we have entertaining stories to tell at the next soiree. So stop raining on our parade pal and maybe instead of dirtying all the dish rags cleaning up coffee grounds USE A PAPER TOWEL YA PUTZ!" My Inner Bronx Lady can throw down. And I only used 2 dish rags before making the more sensible decision to use paper towels. My mom might not be too thrilled but oh well.
So in the end does it really matter how we learned something? Or at the end of our roads and ready to leave this world, does it only matter that we learned it? OR, at the end of the line is it the journey of how we got there? I believe it's the journey. I may learn the hard way sometimes, but I'm going to look back one day and have some awesome stories. Some that will make me laugh, some that will make me cringe. But as Miley Cyrus sang "It's not about how fast I get there, it's not about what waiting on the other side, it's The Climb." Now that's some deep coffee.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Flood Pants, Gorgeous Shoes and Letting Go

I effing hate the pant industry. It's like nobody over 5'7 is allowed to wear pants. I hate shopping for pants. Shopping for dresses: love it. Shopping for shirts: delicious. Shopping for skirts, shoes (ohmygodshoes), purses (orgasm), jewelery, coffee, food: Where do I sign up? Pants: How 'bout instead I gnaw off my right arm? This rant started off because of work. Work has a special relationship with certain clothing company. Certain clothing company gives us (employees) our uniforms. Certain clothing company thinks that Work will not hire anyone with a 35'' inseam or higher. So I, Miss Sasquatch, am left with waiting for the flood. So Boss says "go find some pants yourself" I would rather not wear pants however that may not fly with Work. So madre and I hit up JCPennys to look for some khaki pants (since I quit working at Walmart like 2 years ago, khakis make me want to vomit but since I'm being paid to wear them...I complain not.). JCPenny's also thinks that no one over 5'7 exists and sends Miss Sasquatch on her way with baggy slightly short fugly khaki pants. I feel like a fat flight attendant. But I digress.
Petite people and Plus Size people freak out about their limited "apparel selection". YOU HAVE YOUR OWN DAMN SECTION IN EVERY EFFIN DEPARTMENT STORE!!! You see the "women" section. You see the "petite" section. Do you see "Gangly Tall People With No Booty" section? No sir you don't. And if I hit the jackpot and find the perfect pair of pants I have to practically sign my first born over to afford them. I love being tall, I love wearing heels and being tall. I EMBRACE the fact that in large crowds I can find the holes to navigate through them faster. I LOVE my long mile long legs and how they look in shorts. It's taken years to finally say "Hell yeah I'm tall and I love it biotches!" I would even date a guy a weeeeeee bit shorter than me. But not too much shorter.
On to my next topic. I have decided (kinda) that I am going into the wrong field. Really. I decided this when I went on my bi-weekly visit to Kohls to see my GORGEOUS Elle Enchant Platform Heels in Coral. I love them. I dream about them. I can't afford them. So like a mother who can't afford her children I go visit them. I try them on. and admire them. They look good on me. I walk around the shoe department in them. Shooting people dirty looks when they look at me like I'm a lunatic because I have been trying on the same pair of shoes for 20 minutes (don't judge me people). I will have these shoes one day by the way. They will be mine. Or my heart might just snap in half. Anywhos. So while on my bi-weekly visit to see my Carrie and Samantha (because Carrie and Samantha from Sex and the City would TOTALLY love these shoes) I realized...I am the biggest girl. Not big as in full figured but as in personality wise. Anyone comes near me dirty or smelly I will squeal. Kinda. When I was looking at the different uniforms they have in law enforcement I kept thinking "Omygod so unflattering." I had this Angelina Jolie in Salt (which she is pretty damn delicious in btw) mentality about law enforcement when in fact, it's nothing like it. I find this realization quite annoying. I seem to change my career choice and my college major more often than Lindsay Lohan changes her jail sentences. And I feel like a total loser when I tell people about it. When I told my mom I thought I was going to toss my cookies. She may have not said it, but what I heard coming from her was: "You are a loser. You are like a 7 year old child. I swear I didn't give you paint chips to eat when you were a child. How did you get to be such a loser?" That is what I hear from everybody. I won't even tell some people just for the sake that they don't laugh at me and say "Ahhhhhhh...Well I expect it from Arielle." So I started doing some thinking...out of the jobs that I have had what one did I love the most? Macy's hands down all the way. I loved retail. I loved being around clothes. OK so maybe retail management would be good. Alrighty now, what am I good at? Selling stuff, making up lame jingles, Creating events, planning shtuff. So maybe PR or Marketing or Advertising? I am also amazing at buying stuff as weel but seeing as there really isn't a job where you get paid to buy shoes I kinda have to cross that one off the list. So right now it's Business. With either a Marketing or Retail or Media emphasis on it. But I am determined to find my place in the world. This blog is called Fingerprints RIGHT?! So I will find my place to leave my fingerprints DAMMIT!
Moving on to something bittersweet. Today I realized it is time to let someone go. The saying goes "when you love someone you let them go" right? Well the person has been like a sister to me. But now I see that it's time to let her and her time go to someone else. I was so used to the two of us being single together. But now she has a BF and she needs to be with him I guess. I went to see her for a little bit and I haven't seen her in over a week which is rare for us. And even though I had about 2 hours to hang out with her. She spent 30 minutes of it outside with her boyfriend. Which was kiiiinda like a slap in the face. My thought is: If he's there alllllll the time and I'm there for 2 hours and haven't seen you for a week, can't you unglue yourself from his hip and chill with me for a bit? This thing happens to me all the time. So I'm used to it. But I guess I thought it would be different this time around. Maybe I'm the only person with the idea of "chicks before dicks". I have always put my friends before any guy. I would never ever leave my friend in the dust. Yet every time I'm the one left making friends with the tumbleweed. To me guys may come and go but your friends are always going to have your back. So for right now I'll leave my friend alone with her guy and when she needs me she can call me and I will be there. It's crazy to think that a month ago we were bff's and inseparable but today it was like talking to a stranger. Maybe I'm just not used to change. I'm really happy that she found a guy and they are happy together. But I feel that she's half of two not one person anymore. And maybe I'm just not used to it yet and one day I will be and this whole thing will be silly to me. OH wells. Holy pooper its 3:21 am I need to get to bed. Goodnight everyone. And good night Samantha and Carrie. I will see you two soon!

My Babies

Friday, February 18, 2011

Even Naked Signs Aren't Effective.

I have learned something about men in the past week. They are clueless. They aren't stupid. Just clueless. In order for them to realize you are flirting with them you have to be practically naked with a sign that says "HI I AM FLIRTING WITH YOU IS ANYBODY IN THERE???" And still you probably would need to explain yourself. But I am starting to think that I am the one with the issue...seriously. It seems that I attract the ones I don't like and repel the ones I do. Like horribly. To the point where I think one of them might go into the Witness Protection Program, And I don't think I'm doing anything wrong! I don't text him every second of the day. Or say anything crazy or creepy. I'm chill and I'm not one of those people who if you don't respond in ten seconds sends you a "AHEM I'M TALKING TO YOU ARE YOU THERE!!!??" I am constantly asking myself if I am getting close to the crazy person line. I don't know. Maybe I should just back off of the whole dating thing, But seriously what do men want? They want you to take charge they want them to approach you. They want you all dolled up they want you in sweats. They want you to pay they want you not to pay. They call you and then suddenly they just stop calling you. WHAT DO GUYS WANT FROM US? Now I honestly don't care anymore. Just writing about it makes me realize that it's all too much work. Why go to them when they can come to me? And if they don't then too bad. Ugh. Now I'm exhausted. Which brings me to my next point.
I have started working out again. I've been doing it for a few weeks now but this week I have really been kicking my ass. And it hurts. Really. I'm so sore. But yesterday I went to one of those consultations where they tell you what you should be doing and how to get there what to eat. Whatever. Well my biggest thing was that I have a horrible nutrition. Yeah. And I'm telling you this after I just ate V-Day chocolates, Cheetos, and a baked potato with enough butter to kill Paula Deen if she saw it. I love eating. I hate cooking but I love eating. I eat when I'm bored I eat when I'm sad I eat when I'm full from eating. So I'm wondering how I can improve this when I live in a house where we have a chocolate cake sitting on the counter and cookies are on the grocery list every week. No idea. But at least I'm keeping up with my gym. Even though I feel like a giant puddle of jello today I'm still going. I'm still at the point were if Julian Michaels saw me she would probably go Rambo on me but I'm a work in progress. While my friends go to the gym to look hot for boys I go so I can pass an insane physical test that I have in a few months and will be soooo mad at myself if I don't pass it.
So while everyone is out and about having a crazy Friday night I will be eating a fruit tray and Rotisserie Chicken watching movies in my jammies with my Bestie Mandy. Because even though my thighs hate me right now and I can't get a date to save my life, I still have the coolest friends in the world. And I'm kinda ok with that right now. Feel free to join us!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

A Letter To My Best Friend

Some people say "it's only a dog." But you were more than a dog. You were my best friend. Your birthday is this month. I always thought it was fitting that it was close to Valentines Day. Because you were just a huge pile of love.  Your tail was constantly wagging (and knocking over stuff) and you had all the kisses in the world to give. I am a big believer that dog kisses are the best bandaids in the world. They healed the horrible date I had for the Valentines dance my junior year. They helped when we found out Grandma had Cancer. They helped when I would come home from school crying because someone hurt my feelings. I wish I would have appreciated them more. Horrible dog breath and all. Even though it will be 4 years this April that you will have been gone I still miss you so much. I still need you. It's too much for me and I need the guarantee I used to have, the guarantee that you're there. Yeah you shit in my bed once and you stole my chocolate when it fell on the floor. And I'm sorry for yelling at you and ignoring you when that happened. I'm sorry I got mad at you when that happened.
I know that Taffy tries. But she's a cat. They're not a breed of unconditional love ya know. She bites me when I'm sad....I like to think they're love bites. But I think I could be wrong. There are moments when she can be affectionate. But they don't last very long.
I wish when things went wrong I could use you as a pillow like I used to. And we would just lay there. You're not like everyone else who needs an explanation of why I feel the way I do. You'd let me be sad. I didn't need a reason to be.
I know you were old. And you were in pain. And you couldn't be a dog anymore. And I didn't want you to lose anymore of your quality of life. But I wish you were here. You were the one friend that I could depend on. And I'm mad you're gone. I'm mad that I loved you so much and you couldn't stay. I'm mad I couldn't be there when they put you down. I'm mad that God makes me live for 70 years or whatever and you could only live for 12. It's not fair.
I guess I just wanted to say that I miss you. And there are moments that it would be really useful if you were here. One day it won't hurt as much. It's hurt alot less than it has 4 years ago. I'm sure in 4 more it will hurt a lost less. I see you in every dog. You taught me patience, friendship, responsibility and most importantly love. Yeah I know that's really corny. But you did. I'm sure you're having a hell of a time up in doggy heaven. I bet you have giant bones and a giant pool to swim in and lots of room to act like a maniac. One day I will have another dog. But it'll never replace you. You were the best friend a girl could have. I'll catch you on the flip side Ebony. I love you.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

127 Things You MUST Remember On A Date

So over the weekend (which it is still for 1 more hour), I went on a blind date. Kinda. It was my friends 33rd and fabulous birthday and we went to Kamikazes to check out a band, and the trumpet player whom we were hoping would turn out to be my friend's special b-day present but actually just turned out to be your run of the mill musician (big ego, lots of chicks blah blah blah). Whilst (yes I said "whilst") we were there my friend had me meet a friend of hers. Being totally honest with you, I would never think I would see myself with a guy like him. He's kind of a hick but what was really nice for change is that he was respectful and didn't make it his objective to get in my pants by the time the band was off stage. Or if it was he hid it well and it failed. Mostly because I had a terrible head cold (which I still have) and I don't pop my cork for every guy I see (name that musical!!!). The band was crazy loud, which could kill a first date, or in my case a 1st meeting, so we went to the other side of the bar and tried to talk. Let's just say it ended well because we are going out again tomorrow.
I have this habit when it comes to dating. I have no idea if I'm interested in the guy or the attention the guy is giving to me. Which I feel makes me a horrible person. Mostly because if it turns out that I'm being an attention whore than I'm totally leading the poor guy on. And I never want to intentionally do that! I think it's because I'm so not used to having the attention so when someone is offering this dog a bone I will do every trick in the book. Roll over, play dead, sit, stay, fetch the paper. So instead of listening to my ego (which is reeeeeaaallllyyyy loud sometimes) I'm going to attempt to listen to my gut. Because 85% of the time my gut is right. I think.
That is not my only problem when it comes to being a single gal. When I prepare for a date it's better to tell me 10 minutes before rather than 10 days. Because for those 10 days I turn into a lunatic. Teeth whitening treatments, hair treatments, extra time working out at the gym and hours upon hours of research of "what a guy really notices" in Cosmo. Yes, I have grown this disgusting addiction to Cosmo magazine. A guy friend once told me that he reads Cosmo to find out what turns him on and what he likes in the girl. Meaning that those glossy pages of step by step instructions are BS. I vowed that I would never turn to a magazine to see how dateable I am and how I can be the freakin hottest woman in the room and yet I found myself mulling for hours over the pages and then (yes we are getting drastic) going on to learn more! Now I'm freaking out over what to text back and what restaurant to choose and how I should pluck my eyebrows and will he notice my roots and what jeans will make my butt look amazing. And when did I start compromising myself for a guy?! I'm going to say what comes to my mind and he doesn't have to like it or accept it. My ass is my ass and sorry but I'm not going to change it. I want BBQ ribs I will have BBQ ribs. I'm loud and obnoxious if you know me and if you don't you have to practically water board me to get me to speak. I don't care if I'm not what the majority of men want. Because I don't want the majority of men. I want one who is going to deal with my quirks and my girlish antics and the fact that I hate beer and don't like the taste of alcohol and in no way am I a bad ass. He's not going to care that my spine resembles a crazy straw or I break out in hives for no damn reason. He's going to care that I laugh at everything and I'm insanely loyal to the one's I love and I'm a driven individual. So as I finish typing this (as much as it pains me) I am closing the tab that opens to the article "What To Do And What Not To Do On The 2nd Date :How To Hook Him". I'm not a project for a magazine. I am me and if he doesn't like it on the 2nd date, he's not going to like it on the 3rd or the 4th or the 5th. And honestly that's ok. Tomorrow night I am going to be the awesome Arielle Boardman and I'm going to have fun and see where it goes without having any expectations. Why worry about where life's going to take you? Isn't that mystery the most fun part of life?

Sunday, January 9, 2011

All You're Ever Gonna Be Is Mean

Today sucked ass. Total ass. Like ass in a dumpster ass. First of all I worked today. Normally I love working . But not today. We are starting inventory at Macys and it is the worst thing ever. And and top of that people are mean. Really mean. And they are rude. They think they are the center of the universe and anyone wearing a name badge and is behind the desk ringing up their stuff is just chopped liver. This one lady had a return and she handed me a huge stack of receipts and said "I don't know what one its one so you can deal with it." and she ripped me a new one because of a $3 difference of a sweater. ITS A SWEATER FOR CHRISTS SAKES! I BET THE KID WHO MADE IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE THAT IN A DAY!!! That's what I wanted to say. But I didn't.
Which comes to my next point. I don't say whats on my mind ALOT. For example I have this friend who likes to ditch me and flakes on me constantly. She never keeps her promises and I would be telling the truth by saying: although I was there when her dog died, she probably wouldn't be there if mine did...if I had one...but we get the point. What I want to say to her is: You're the worse person I have ever encountered. You only care about yourself and what you want when everyone else is bending over backward for YOU. Your loyalty SUCKS! You wouldn't piss in my ear if my brain was on fire if it was an inconvenience for you. How many times have I put down my life for you? How many times have I dropped my plans or what I want for you? How come everyone else can be put on hold and on the back burner but you can't? I am sick all winter break. I see you twice. I'm sitting by myself in  my room doing nothing while you are off playing with your friends. Why can't I be the stupid carefree one that can go bowling and doesn't have to work 2 jobs and go to school full time? Why can't I be the one who doesn't feel guilty when I'm running 3 hours late? I don't want to see you or talk to you . I want to stop being in a toxic friendship.
But it won't happen. I don't have the balls to say it. And the second it comes out, instead of feeling relieved, I'll feel guilty and beg for forgiveness and forgive her because "it's just who she is and I have to accept her for it." But do I? Should I accept shoddy friends? Don't I deserve to have someone to drop everything for me? I've been doing it for almost 5 years now. Whens my turn? I just discovered I have spell check on this blog....interesting. Anyways. Now moving on. No more wasting my energy on something and someone so negative.
School started and it has been INSANITY! But I'm in love with insanity. I'm going full time which it has been a year since I have been a full time student. It's going to be a hell of a challenge but I'm ready for it. I'm taking History of Law Enforcement: which is wonderful. I am going to learn sooooo much from my professor I feel really lucky to have him. Criminal Investigations: Which is taught by my Forensic Science prof I had last semester. He's also an awesome instructor and I'm really excited for this class. The textbook makes me giddy (yes I am a nerd.). Laws of Evidence: This is going to be my horror. But I am going to pass it. My prof told me I should just drop the class because there is no way someone like me will pass it and I said "watch me." and he replied "you're either going to be my least or most favorite student...I haven't decided yet," And I love proving people wrong so I have decided I have passed that class. Not "will", "have". And Healthy Lifestyles: Which I don't know anything about because I haven't gone to it yet. My goal this semester is to be taken seriously. Mostly by myself but also by others. I'm tired of being surprised when I do well. By the end of this semester, hopefully sooner, I want to be able to say "I'm smart and nothing is too difficult for me." I am going to stop saying that I'm a 'slow learner". That girl no longer exists. Only Amazingly Smart Arielle exists.I also want other people to take me seriously. I know I should be all "only my opinion matters blah blah blah." But I want to say "I want to be a Police Officer." with out someone saying "Are you sure?" or "Seriously?" or "You?!" Yeah it's getting more annoying than people asking me if I'm a mermaid. And I get that one alot. But, I am so ready for this semester and I know it's not going to be easy. But I want to make my mom and my stepdad proud. I want to make my grandpa and my grandma proud. I don't think I have done anything lately to make them proud and this semester I am going to make them proud. And most importantly I am going to make MYSELF proud. I am going to be HAPPY and I'm not going to fall through the cracks. This semester I am no longer giving other people credit where its due to me. I'm not to brush it off when people tell me I have done a good job. I'm going to bask in it. It's my turn. It's my year.
Today may have been a crappy day. But it's not going to make my year bad. 2011 is going to be MY year. I am going to live it to the fullest. When it's time to ring in 2012, 2011 is going to have my fingerprints alllllll over it.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Burgers, Backpacks and Bravery

So right now I am currently sitting on my unmade bed surrounded by newly bought school supplies and regretting ever meeting In N Out. Which could possibly be the best burger chain in America but, my intestines would like to disagree.
Anyways. While I was out and about today something got to me. I was at Target and every 30 seconds someone was stepping on me, running me over with their cart or pushing me out of the way. And every single time they would say "oh, I didn't see you." On my way out of the store I was almost hit by a car and the guy rolled down his window and said "I'm so sorry I didn't see you!" I know I lost alot of weight from being sick the past couple of weeks but I didn't know I became invisible. But then again, maybe it's not me. Maybe people have just become so into themselves that they totally forget that there are other people on this planet. Oh well.
Moving on. Tomorrow is my first day back as a full time college student!! Hence the school supplies. I'm so excited. I'm like the little kid before his first day of Kindergarten. I had everything ready since before New Years. I will probably get up at 3 am to get ready and get to school at 5 am and wait in my excellent parking spot til class starts at 7:30. Let's just pray I wake up with my alarm. That can be difficult sometimes. heh.
Before I go I just want to talk (or write, I'm not really talking) about one more thing. On New Years Eve there was a horrible trailer fire in Clearfield. A 5 year old little girl couldn't escape and passed away. Thank God the 2 other children did. The whole trailer is completely destroyed. But my stepdad, being the awesome human being he is, is offering a burial plot to the family. So I just want to thank my stepdad for showing the world that you can do selfless things and not have any strings attached. I also want to give thanks to the Firefighters and Police Officers and Dispatchers. They have such a difficult job and sometimes it's hard to see the rewards they get from their career but they are definitly angels and I am so grateful for all of them keeping all of us safe everyday.
Hope everybody at Weber has an awesome first day tomorrow and GOODNIGHT!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Leaving My Fingerprints

Everyday I think of how my actions will affect others. Every decision I make is usually decided for me. Not directly but I always will push what I want aside to avoid disappiontment and to gain validation. Last night (New Years Eve) I realized that at the end of it all, when it's all said and done, what am I going to think of how I lived of my life? Why am I causing MYSELF stress and worry to please others? Why am I not saying how I feel and what i want? How come my opinon doesn't matter. Why do I allow myself to get into a depressive state because my friends flaked out on me again? Instead of being a pisshead I should be going out and having fun and making more dependable friends who will actually come see me when I have bronchitis on my birthday and New Years Eve. I have to say I have grown alot. I have made some incredible friends in the past year. Mandy for example. She's like my big sister. She gives the BEST advice and has really helped me grow into my own person. She has helped me grow out of my naiveness...if thats a word. For the first time I have a dependable friend. She doesn't ditch me. She doesn't say she'll be there in 10 minutes and 3 hours later I'm texting her where she is. She is one of the people who have been my "angels". I found out that I love being single. I don't need to be with someone! I don't need a guy telling me how beautiful I am or how smart or funny I am. It's totally ok for me to say "I'm a smart chick. I can be fu**ing hilarious sometimes." I'm still working on the first one. BUT THATS OK! It's a beautiful thing to always be a work in progress! What would happen if we stopped being works in progress? It definitly wouldn't be interesting. I see people my age getting married and having babies and rushing to find who they are. And maybe that works for them and they are ready for that. I look at myself and say, Uhhh I'm 21 years old. I have no idea what I want or who I am. I'm not ready to make a life long commitment to somebody. I'm selfish like that. I don't want to have to run the idea of "Girl's Night Out" by somebody. If I want to go out on Girls Night then dammit I'm going to. I love being single and getting to know myself. Shouldn't I have a pretty good idea of who I am before somebody else should? This is MY time, It's time for me to LIVE for myself. Not just exisiting but reallllllllly living. Taking risks and getting hurt and dusting myself off. It's time to stop letting everybody else leave their fingerprints on my story, it's time for me to leave my fingerprint.