Saturday, February 5, 2011

A Letter To My Best Friend

Some people say "it's only a dog." But you were more than a dog. You were my best friend. Your birthday is this month. I always thought it was fitting that it was close to Valentines Day. Because you were just a huge pile of love.  Your tail was constantly wagging (and knocking over stuff) and you had all the kisses in the world to give. I am a big believer that dog kisses are the best bandaids in the world. They healed the horrible date I had for the Valentines dance my junior year. They helped when we found out Grandma had Cancer. They helped when I would come home from school crying because someone hurt my feelings. I wish I would have appreciated them more. Horrible dog breath and all. Even though it will be 4 years this April that you will have been gone I still miss you so much. I still need you. It's too much for me and I need the guarantee I used to have, the guarantee that you're there. Yeah you shit in my bed once and you stole my chocolate when it fell on the floor. And I'm sorry for yelling at you and ignoring you when that happened. I'm sorry I got mad at you when that happened.
I know that Taffy tries. But she's a cat. They're not a breed of unconditional love ya know. She bites me when I'm sad....I like to think they're love bites. But I think I could be wrong. There are moments when she can be affectionate. But they don't last very long.
I wish when things went wrong I could use you as a pillow like I used to. And we would just lay there. You're not like everyone else who needs an explanation of why I feel the way I do. You'd let me be sad. I didn't need a reason to be.
I know you were old. And you were in pain. And you couldn't be a dog anymore. And I didn't want you to lose anymore of your quality of life. But I wish you were here. You were the one friend that I could depend on. And I'm mad you're gone. I'm mad that I loved you so much and you couldn't stay. I'm mad I couldn't be there when they put you down. I'm mad that God makes me live for 70 years or whatever and you could only live for 12. It's not fair.
I guess I just wanted to say that I miss you. And there are moments that it would be really useful if you were here. One day it won't hurt as much. It's hurt alot less than it has 4 years ago. I'm sure in 4 more it will hurt a lost less. I see you in every dog. You taught me patience, friendship, responsibility and most importantly love. Yeah I know that's really corny. But you did. I'm sure you're having a hell of a time up in doggy heaven. I bet you have giant bones and a giant pool to swim in and lots of room to act like a maniac. One day I will have another dog. But it'll never replace you. You were the best friend a girl could have. I'll catch you on the flip side Ebony. I love you.

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