Sunday, January 9, 2011

All You're Ever Gonna Be Is Mean

Today sucked ass. Total ass. Like ass in a dumpster ass. First of all I worked today. Normally I love working . But not today. We are starting inventory at Macys and it is the worst thing ever. And and top of that people are mean. Really mean. And they are rude. They think they are the center of the universe and anyone wearing a name badge and is behind the desk ringing up their stuff is just chopped liver. This one lady had a return and she handed me a huge stack of receipts and said "I don't know what one its one so you can deal with it." and she ripped me a new one because of a $3 difference of a sweater. ITS A SWEATER FOR CHRISTS SAKES! I BET THE KID WHO MADE IT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE THAT IN A DAY!!! That's what I wanted to say. But I didn't.
Which comes to my next point. I don't say whats on my mind ALOT. For example I have this friend who likes to ditch me and flakes on me constantly. She never keeps her promises and I would be telling the truth by saying: although I was there when her dog died, she probably wouldn't be there if mine did...if I had one...but we get the point. What I want to say to her is: You're the worse person I have ever encountered. You only care about yourself and what you want when everyone else is bending over backward for YOU. Your loyalty SUCKS! You wouldn't piss in my ear if my brain was on fire if it was an inconvenience for you. How many times have I put down my life for you? How many times have I dropped my plans or what I want for you? How come everyone else can be put on hold and on the back burner but you can't? I am sick all winter break. I see you twice. I'm sitting by myself in  my room doing nothing while you are off playing with your friends. Why can't I be the stupid carefree one that can go bowling and doesn't have to work 2 jobs and go to school full time? Why can't I be the one who doesn't feel guilty when I'm running 3 hours late? I don't want to see you or talk to you . I want to stop being in a toxic friendship.
But it won't happen. I don't have the balls to say it. And the second it comes out, instead of feeling relieved, I'll feel guilty and beg for forgiveness and forgive her because "it's just who she is and I have to accept her for it." But do I? Should I accept shoddy friends? Don't I deserve to have someone to drop everything for me? I've been doing it for almost 5 years now. Whens my turn? I just discovered I have spell check on this blog....interesting. Anyways. Now moving on. No more wasting my energy on something and someone so negative.
School started and it has been INSANITY! But I'm in love with insanity. I'm going full time which it has been a year since I have been a full time student. It's going to be a hell of a challenge but I'm ready for it. I'm taking History of Law Enforcement: which is wonderful. I am going to learn sooooo much from my professor I feel really lucky to have him. Criminal Investigations: Which is taught by my Forensic Science prof I had last semester. He's also an awesome instructor and I'm really excited for this class. The textbook makes me giddy (yes I am a nerd.). Laws of Evidence: This is going to be my horror. But I am going to pass it. My prof told me I should just drop the class because there is no way someone like me will pass it and I said "watch me." and he replied "you're either going to be my least or most favorite student...I haven't decided yet," And I love proving people wrong so I have decided I have passed that class. Not "will", "have". And Healthy Lifestyles: Which I don't know anything about because I haven't gone to it yet. My goal this semester is to be taken seriously. Mostly by myself but also by others. I'm tired of being surprised when I do well. By the end of this semester, hopefully sooner, I want to be able to say "I'm smart and nothing is too difficult for me." I am going to stop saying that I'm a 'slow learner". That girl no longer exists. Only Amazingly Smart Arielle exists.I also want other people to take me seriously. I know I should be all "only my opinion matters blah blah blah." But I want to say "I want to be a Police Officer." with out someone saying "Are you sure?" or "Seriously?" or "You?!" Yeah it's getting more annoying than people asking me if I'm a mermaid. And I get that one alot. But, I am so ready for this semester and I know it's not going to be easy. But I want to make my mom and my stepdad proud. I want to make my grandpa and my grandma proud. I don't think I have done anything lately to make them proud and this semester I am going to make them proud. And most importantly I am going to make MYSELF proud. I am going to be HAPPY and I'm not going to fall through the cracks. This semester I am no longer giving other people credit where its due to me. I'm not to brush it off when people tell me I have done a good job. I'm going to bask in it. It's my turn. It's my year.
Today may have been a crappy day. But it's not going to make my year bad. 2011 is going to be MY year. I am going to live it to the fullest. When it's time to ring in 2012, 2011 is going to have my fingerprints alllllll over it.

1 comment:

  1. WOW!! You tell them Chief!!! You are such an AMAZING PERSON I admire for all that you are going to accomplish and I know you will. Once your mind is set you're gonna stick to it. I wish you all the luck in the world!! :]