7am: My alarm goes off, "Alrighty Arielle we got lots to do today, we are getting up!...Wow it's cold...and my blankies are so comfy...I'll just lay here for a minute....."
9am: "Oh wow...I slept an extra 2 hours...oopsies."
9:15-9:45: I barricaded myself in the bathroom with 2 flies trying to kill them. Flies in Centerville are alot tougher than the ones in Syracuse.
10am: "So we are working out this morning so we should have a healthy breakfa.....OOOOO CAKE!"
10:30am: "Alrighty let's get ready for our workout....maybe I should do some laundry....I should go on Pinterest and get my workout figured out. YAY for finally making a Health board!....I should get some new music for my workout too!"
10:30-11:30am: Browsing Pinterest (not getting my workout together), and Amazon (not just music....really tempted to by some more Candace Bushnell books...). I also found myself on Facebook. And looking at puppies on ksl. I now reallllly want a Chihuahua.
11:30am: "Oh yeah I haven't started laundry yet....Maybe I should I just wait to workout with Brody. Yeah."
11:35am: "Heheheh, this was kinda funny. I should write about this experience in my blog!!! It will be hilarious!"
11:37am: Debt Collector calls. We have a nice chat, I make a payment schedule. Not sure if I'll have the money but it will feel nice to get that over with. I tell her about my morning...she didn't really care.
11:42am: "OMG I should look up country music videos from the 90's on YouTube!!!! YAAAAAAYYY!!!"
12pm: I suck at being an adult. I am still at the computer in my undies crying like a baby watching Joe Nichols "I'll Wait For You" music video.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Realigasms and Grilled Cheese
So we finally have cable and Internet! YAAAAY! I won't have to depend on my lazy, spastic cat or my boyfriend for entertainment anymore!! I love you so much honey but I'm sure there's only so much Disney movies you can take and I know there's only so much of The Unit on DVD I can take (I have to say, kiiiiinda bad acting.). However, we believe we have had Internet since we moved in so I'm kicking myself for all the wasted gas money I spent driving to my moms house which is about 30 minutes away, to use her computer. But nothing I can do about that now.
I'm just happy to have my E! and my Bravo and TLC and all the good channels that have my wonderful trashy reality shows. Today when Brody and I went to the gym I was tempted to watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians but I didn't want to risk either Brody throwing a free weight at me or me throwing a free weight at Kim Kardashian's face. I try really hard not to watch the show because she bugs the shit out of me. I love her sisters but Kris Jenner and Kim make me want to plow my head through my nice new granite counter tops.
I have been so desperate to watch trashy reality shows I was thisclose to stooping low enough to watch a KUWTK rerun. That I've seen...like twice. So I settled on a Lifetime Movie instead (Brody didn't throw any weights, he just laughed at the dramatic music which entails EVERY Lifetime Movie). But when I returned to our abode I immediately went on E! online and caught up on all things pop culture. I missed a lot. (Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds got married? Please do this tired and wearied world a favor and make a child NOW.) And even better, they had the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills trailer! OMG Suzanne Somers is a real housewife now! After watching clips of the new season I had what I call a realigasm. That is a when you have a mental orgasm when you watch a clip of juicy reality drama. Brody did not understand my description. Whatevs. All I can say is tomorrow is Sunday and I am particularly excited for Breaking Amish. I feel like it should be called Real World: With Electricity. Those poor kiddies. All they want is some graphic tees and a vehicle that isn't powered by something with hooves. Oh but a world with AC and computers comes with a price. Now you must all fight about petty stupid things and make stupid comments on how ugly the other Amish girls are. Have fun! I'm hooked. Now I want to find me a rebellious Amish kid and be their fun modern fairy Godmother and get them all sorts of trouble. I'll trick them into drinking 7 Long Island Ice Teas ("it's Kool-Aid kids!") and laugh when they pass out on St. Josephs lawn for 45 minutes. Then I'll take them to Del Taco and convince them that all modernized people eat 12 beef tacos after they get drunk. After that we'll go to an acquaintance's house (because I wouldn't want someone do this in my own house...ew) and laugh as they try to figure out where to spew the 7 Long Island Ice Teas and the 12 tacos (hint Sister Sarsaparilla: It's the porcelain looking thing in the bathroom....too bad it's got a child lock...figure that out sucka BWAHAHAHA!!) The next day I'll apologize and to make up for my immature bad behavior I'll take them to the Apple store.
Is it socially appropriate to ask for an Amish kid for Christmas? I didn't think so.
Moving on to other things.
Now I am trying to make a grilled cheese and ham sandwich. However, I was a spoiled child growing up and Brody has done nothing to change that so I hint to him that I am hungry. And then hint to him that I want a grilled cheese sandwich. But he is busy watching grown up shows and doesn't move from the couch. Fine. I'll make my own damn sandwich. But I will not be quiet about it. I began clanking around pots and pans so he'll be distracted. Then I do my number 1 trick: play dumb.
"What temperature do I cook this at?"
"How much butter should I use?"
"How do I know when it's done?"
"How do I flip this?"
"Honey, do you need help?"
"No I'm fine....."
Finally he comes over, looks at my undercooked sandwich and...VICTORY IS MINE! Now I suckered him into finishing my sandwich. He cooks like 3 million times better than I do. No joke. I figured it's an even trade. He is right about 90% of the time in our relationship. So I let him win all the arguments (on purpose or not) and he can cook for me.
Brody is more of a Breaking Bad kinda guy instead of Breaking Amish. Whilst I like to discuss Kim's wigs on Don't Be Tardy For The Wedding and Julia's dating issues in Miss Advised; Brody likes to watch How It's Made and How The Universe Works. I can tell him how to make you hair super voluminous and how to expertly apply eyeliner (which is on hiatus right now. 1.) I decided purchasing birth control was the better choice and 2.) I just discovered like 10 minutes ago that I now have a gross stye.); while he can tell me how different military groups can hack into different countries Internet infrastructures blah blah blah and how to make the software for the newest smartphone blah blah blah. I make my own pinterest boards, this guy built his own frigging computer. I'm sure someone will read this and say "A man who cooks, and is super intelligent and he's with a superficial bitch who wants to take innocent Amish people hostage for her own amusement?" And to that I say:
Back off skank or I will take you out by your knee caps.
So while people are excited for fall because of the gorgeous leaves and the crisp fall weather, I am excited for tv's fall lineup and all the fashion magazines will have their fall fashion editions out. Now if you'll excuse me, Tamra Barney is calling Alexis from Real Housewives of Orange County "Jesus Jugs" and I still need to poof my hair to crazy heights.
Hate to love her. Love to hate her. Love to love.....nevermind,
I'm just happy to have my E! and my Bravo and TLC and all the good channels that have my wonderful trashy reality shows. Today when Brody and I went to the gym I was tempted to watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians but I didn't want to risk either Brody throwing a free weight at me or me throwing a free weight at Kim Kardashian's face. I try really hard not to watch the show because she bugs the shit out of me. I love her sisters but Kris Jenner and Kim make me want to plow my head through my nice new granite counter tops.
Is it socially appropriate to ask for an Amish kid for Christmas? I didn't think so.
Moving on to other things.
Now I am trying to make a grilled cheese and ham sandwich. However, I was a spoiled child growing up and Brody has done nothing to change that so I hint to him that I am hungry. And then hint to him that I want a grilled cheese sandwich. But he is busy watching grown up shows and doesn't move from the couch. Fine. I'll make my own damn sandwich. But I will not be quiet about it. I began clanking around pots and pans so he'll be distracted. Then I do my number 1 trick: play dumb.
"What temperature do I cook this at?"
"How much butter should I use?"
"How do I know when it's done?"
"How do I flip this?"
"Honey, do you need help?"
"No I'm fine....."
Finally he comes over, looks at my undercooked sandwich and...VICTORY IS MINE! Now I suckered him into finishing my sandwich. He cooks like 3 million times better than I do. No joke. I figured it's an even trade. He is right about 90% of the time in our relationship. So I let him win all the arguments (on purpose or not) and he can cook for me.
Brody is more of a Breaking Bad kinda guy instead of Breaking Amish. Whilst I like to discuss Kim's wigs on Don't Be Tardy For The Wedding and Julia's dating issues in Miss Advised; Brody likes to watch How It's Made and How The Universe Works. I can tell him how to make you hair super voluminous and how to expertly apply eyeliner (which is on hiatus right now. 1.) I decided purchasing birth control was the better choice and 2.) I just discovered like 10 minutes ago that I now have a gross stye.); while he can tell me how different military groups can hack into different countries Internet infrastructures blah blah blah and how to make the software for the newest smartphone blah blah blah. I make my own pinterest boards, this guy built his own frigging computer. I'm sure someone will read this and say "A man who cooks, and is super intelligent and he's with a superficial bitch who wants to take innocent Amish people hostage for her own amusement?" And to that I say:
Back off skank or I will take you out by your knee caps.
So while people are excited for fall because of the gorgeous leaves and the crisp fall weather, I am excited for tv's fall lineup and all the fashion magazines will have their fall fashion editions out. Now if you'll excuse me, Tamra Barney is calling Alexis from Real Housewives of Orange County "Jesus Jugs" and I still need to poof my hair to crazy heights.
Monday, September 17, 2012
"Can I Pay For My Gas in Quarters?
"You are going to hate me..."
"Why?"
"I am going to need $8 in gas in pump number 7"
"ok....."
"I'm paying in quarters..."
*Uncomfortable silence ensues as the cashier takes my pile of quarters and begins to count them*
*Annoyed groans from people who had the horrible luck of standing behind me in line*
This is not the first time I have paid in coins. I once even paid $30 towards my down payment on my car in quarters. I've paid for shoes, college tuition, school supplies and tacos in coins. Is it annoying to all involved? Yes, yes it is. Do I feel bad? Sometimes...But if people don't like it maybe we should get rid of the coin currency and just have paper money eh? And it's not like I steal the crap, you're still getting my hard earned money (most of the time found under the furniture or between car seats...)
This is where I could go off and blame the government or the economy for my lack in funds. I could blame the liberals or the conservatives or the generation before me. I could blame 9/11, the Bush Administration and the war. But the person I should blame is me. I blame the two colleges I attended for me dropping out. But it's my fault. I was lazy, undisciplined and unmotivated. It's MY fault I talk more to debt collectors than my mother (and I talk to my mother ALOT) I was SUPER STUPID with my money and not only am I still learning from that but I still make dumb choices. But you know what? It doesn't define who I am. And it's definitely not in charge of my happiness. What makes me happy? Learning the ropes of being a new business owner for Slumber Parties and all the AWESOME people I get to meet, it's being a nanny for the BEST family, it's cuddles from my kitty kat Taffy, it's nutella and strawberries and most of all I get to come home to my brand new apartment and there is the most handsome, sweet, supportive and loving man in the world. If I didn't have Brody in my life all of this wouldn't be worth it. I wouldn't want to be a better person. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
But before I get too mushy.
We moved in together the beginning of the month and so far it's still super fun. Well, sometimes he gets on my nerves and I probably get on his nerves (like I'm still not unpacked...and the closet is always messy....and I'm messy...and I get mad when he tells me how to cook...) Anyways. But if we don;t get tv or Internet soon we might get really sick of each other. We don't have any money to do anything...and when we do have money we spend it on alcohol.
Speaking on being poor...again. I know the ropes of having to go to the extremes of saving money like, not turning on the ac in the car, even though its the middle of July, or selling clothes and dvds to get your car insurance money...or paying with coins. I've had like 10 garage sales in desperate attempts to make money. I sold Avon and for a week sold knives door to door (ok I didn't last a week I was shut down once and then quit.) I worked in a call center, I was a pet groomer (I told them I had Strep Throat for 6 weeks and then never went back to work...I don't "drain" anal glands, I don;t care how cute the dog is.) I worked for Macy's, Victoria's Secret (I was peppy enough), Tai Pan Trading, Hobby Lobby, Taco Time (I will never eat there...again), a hotel, two daycares and a Domestic Violence Shelter, and Walmart (ugh...walmart) Most of these jobs were done 2 or 3 at a time. Now I have a great job as a Slumber Party consultant and as a nanny and even though I want to make more money I am happy where I am. I know one day our finances will be better. So even though I'm about to pay the nice guy at the maverick with quarters I'm not ashamed he and 10 other people have probably been in the same spot.
What's the craziest thing you've done to save money?
"Why?"
"I am going to need $8 in gas in pump number 7"
"ok....."
"I'm paying in quarters..."
*Uncomfortable silence ensues as the cashier takes my pile of quarters and begins to count them*
*Annoyed groans from people who had the horrible luck of standing behind me in line*
This is not the first time I have paid in coins. I once even paid $30 towards my down payment on my car in quarters. I've paid for shoes, college tuition, school supplies and tacos in coins. Is it annoying to all involved? Yes, yes it is. Do I feel bad? Sometimes...But if people don't like it maybe we should get rid of the coin currency and just have paper money eh? And it's not like I steal the crap, you're still getting my hard earned money (most of the time found under the furniture or between car seats...)
This is where I could go off and blame the government or the economy for my lack in funds. I could blame the liberals or the conservatives or the generation before me. I could blame 9/11, the Bush Administration and the war. But the person I should blame is me. I blame the two colleges I attended for me dropping out. But it's my fault. I was lazy, undisciplined and unmotivated. It's MY fault I talk more to debt collectors than my mother (and I talk to my mother ALOT) I was SUPER STUPID with my money and not only am I still learning from that but I still make dumb choices. But you know what? It doesn't define who I am. And it's definitely not in charge of my happiness. What makes me happy? Learning the ropes of being a new business owner for Slumber Parties and all the AWESOME people I get to meet, it's being a nanny for the BEST family, it's cuddles from my kitty kat Taffy, it's nutella and strawberries and most of all I get to come home to my brand new apartment and there is the most handsome, sweet, supportive and loving man in the world. If I didn't have Brody in my life all of this wouldn't be worth it. I wouldn't want to be a better person. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
But before I get too mushy.
We moved in together the beginning of the month and so far it's still super fun. Well, sometimes he gets on my nerves and I probably get on his nerves (like I'm still not unpacked...and the closet is always messy....and I'm messy...and I get mad when he tells me how to cook...) Anyways. But if we don;t get tv or Internet soon we might get really sick of each other. We don't have any money to do anything...and when we do have money we spend it on alcohol.
Speaking on being poor...again. I know the ropes of having to go to the extremes of saving money like, not turning on the ac in the car, even though its the middle of July, or selling clothes and dvds to get your car insurance money...or paying with coins. I've had like 10 garage sales in desperate attempts to make money. I sold Avon and for a week sold knives door to door (ok I didn't last a week I was shut down once and then quit.) I worked in a call center, I was a pet groomer (I told them I had Strep Throat for 6 weeks and then never went back to work...I don't "drain" anal glands, I don;t care how cute the dog is.) I worked for Macy's, Victoria's Secret (I was peppy enough), Tai Pan Trading, Hobby Lobby, Taco Time (I will never eat there...again), a hotel, two daycares and a Domestic Violence Shelter, and Walmart (ugh...walmart) Most of these jobs were done 2 or 3 at a time. Now I have a great job as a Slumber Party consultant and as a nanny and even though I want to make more money I am happy where I am. I know one day our finances will be better. So even though I'm about to pay the nice guy at the maverick with quarters I'm not ashamed he and 10 other people have probably been in the same spot.
What's the craziest thing you've done to save money?
Friday, June 1, 2012
Eleanor Roosevelt once said "Do something everyday that scares you." or something to that effect (I'm too lazy to look up the actual quote). Technically, for me, that translates to "hang out with those huge ass spiders from Harry Potter everyday." And since I'm not down with that I decided to do the second scariest thing on my list; Zumba.
I have taken one class before and it ended up with me sneaking out and probably heading to either the liquor store or the Krispie Kreme drivethru...or maybe both. But lately I have been on this "well being" kick. And not only do I have to get some biceps but it is time for me to step out of my comfort zone. I think that's why people get so bored with their lives. They get used to the same old routine. There's nothing like a shitload of fear in your veins to get the heartbeat going and your routine shaken up a bit. I signed up for a Zumba and a flexibility class. Oi vey. To make a long story short if you ever want a visual of me doing Zumba take a spaghetti noodle and make it move in awkward positions and you'll be spot on.
Along with my spaghetti dancing and trying to bend in ways that are not natural I have also been doing yoga (see; "trying to bend in ways not natural") and a Julian Michaels workout(see; death) but luckily for society and myself I do those two in the comfort of my own home. I have also been "trying to eat healthier" we'll see how that goes. And I've been starting on a path of "spiritual and emotional well-being (insert snort laughter here). Yeah it sounds lame but I want to feel more connected to the world and to myself. I've been re-reading Eat Pray Love and The Secret. Which you haven't read you should. They're awesome. And I was reading the part in Eat Pray Love where Elizabeth experiences Loneliness and Depression while in Rome. And I realized, I have never really be alone. I'm always with a thought or a sound or a person or a task. Today, for example, I got up, worked out, got ready for work, worked for 7 hours, came home and started dinner. While doing this if I wasn't with a person I had music on or the tv or on the Internet. I never just sit. I never "just be". Just be. Something I say to myself when I start to stress about money I don't need to worry about or worry about a problem that's not even there. It's a saying my friend Mandy taught me. Just be. It means just be here. Just be you. Just be now. So after my dinner instead of cleaning it up right away or getting on the computer or texting my boyfriend, I just sat there. For 10 minutes. Just me. And it was nice. I realized that since Brody and I started dating I haven't been ok being by myself. I freak out. I worry that I'm not doing what I should be doing in the relationship or that one night away is going to ruin my entire relationship. And in that moment of just being with me I realized I have been neglecting the relationship with myself. That's not Brody's fault at all. Since I have been with him he has brought out the best part of me. He has made me better and want to be better. I have just forgotten that he isn't the only person that can make me feel that way. I can make myself feel that way too. So it's just a thing I'm working on. Anyways. I'm not entirely sure how the Zumba thing will turn out but I'll give it a few more sessions til I give it a final decision. Maybe I'll upgrade from a spaghetti noodle to fettuccine.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Nutella, Barbies and Ri-Ri drivers
Ok. This post is a taaaad random. But oh well. PS: I know it's been like 7 months since my last post. Life sucks, I don't get paid for this shiz...I'm sorry. Moving along.
So first of all I have found the holy grail in a jar. It is called Nutella. For all you barbarians who have no idea what this beautiful creation is, God might smite you for ignoring his glorious creation. And it's like peanut butter, but not disgusting. It's a hazelnut spread with cocoa and milk and it's WONDERFUL. It will solve all your menstruation problems, not really but it does make it more bearable, well, it won't help with cramps but it's delicious. I have used it with popcorn, pretzels, strawberries, apples, toast, cardboard, one night I had nothing in my pantry but Nutella and in my Nutella haze I considered putting it on my cat. Not really. One of my fabulous volunteers at work, works for a candy distributing company and she seriously brought a crapload of Nutella in, it was better than Christmas...and I friggin love Christmas.
Soooo next thing. This totally popped into my head when I was driving home from Student Orientation today at SLCC (Go Bruins! Whatever that is..) Anywho, did anyone have a McDonald's playset for their Barbies? They were so cute! They had a button for the drive thru and cute lil' apple pies. Notice that they never wrapped the hamburgers though...weird. Now I don;t want to offend anyone, but have you ever seen ANYONE work at McDonald's that looked like Barbie. No. I bet that Barbie was pissed as HELL. All these other Barbies got to be Doctors and Vets and Teachers (ps: I had the Teacher playset too...it was the bomb.com...did I get rid of these because I really want to play with them now...) and this Barbie had to work in greasy ass McDonalds. My theory is she's paying her way through College...you go Barbie!
Yeah...never seen a Mcdonald's employee like this...or a child so well behaved in McDonalds.
Again, I'm not saying that people who work at McDonald's are ugly. I love McDonald's, in fact I ate McDonald's today...and it was delicious...not as delicious as Nutella though...but I have never in my years, seen someone who looks like Barbie at McDonalds...but it's a good recruiting tool.
Like I said earlier I was in Taylorsville for my orientation and getting there and back was a friggin challenge. I don't think it's just Utah people now, I just think people are Ri-Ri's. Fo reals. I don't understand why it is sooooooo hard to go the speed limit, or to use a turn signal, or to go when the light turns green! There are 3 to 4 lanes on I-15. The right lane is for all of you ri-ri's who want to drive 65 and under. The middle lane is for the ri-ri's who want to go faster than those on the right and the left lane is for the ri-ris who want to go faster than those in the right AND the middle lane. So if you are going 45 flucking miles per flucking hour DRIVE IN THE RIGHT LANE DOUCHENUGGET. If you are in the left lane and notice that cars coming up behind you are going faster, if it is possible MOVE OVER TO THE MIDDLE OR RIGHT LANE SO WE CAN PASS YOU'RE SLOW MISERABLE ASS, JOCKSTRAP. Also if your car can not go above 65 miles per hour GET A NEW ONE OR DO US ALL A FREAKIN FAVOR AND DON't GO ON THE HIGHWAY SHITHEAD! I swear on my Barbie McDonald's playset if I go one day without losing my freakin mind while I'm driving because of stupid drivers I will by everyone a jar of Nutella.
I will be making about 100 of these and keeping them in my glove box. I will pass these puppies out like Quiznos Coupons.
This blog post had absolutely no point to them. That's the point. I hope you feel unfulfilled by the time you finished this blog and I hope you say "that was ten minutes I'll never get back." See ya in another 7 months yo!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Waxing and The Wilderness (Two Totally Seperate Things...)
Every 4 to 6 weeks I endure the biggest pain in my life during the Spring/ Summer months. It's not pretty in any way and sometimes I wonder if it's really worth it. But after switching to an alternative I learned that it is worth it. Bikini waxes. Boys, I suggest skipping to the next paragraph. It was time to get it done before my big camping trip (that story later) and I went to the girl I always go to. She's awesome and it doesn't really hurt. This time was a tad different. After getting stripped down she puts the wax on the first area AND HOLY SHITBALLS IT BURNS!
"Is it too hot?" Omygod YES! IT BURNS IT HURTS SOOOO BAD! KILL ME NOW!
"Nope I'm good." And I'm an idiot.
After enduring 3 strips of pain and horror she has me inspect the area to make sure I'm satisfied with the results. I don't know about all ya'lls but I'm NEVER satisfied with burn boils on my lady parts. Now she's on to the other side.
Silence....
Silence...
"Oh shit."
"That's a sentence I never want to hear a waxer say....ever."
Silence...
"I just have some wax stuck. I can get it off."
And then my waxer went to third base with me. We both looked at each other in horror after her finger slipped in a certain area associated with bikini waxing.
"Wow. And I'm paying YOU. Usually I'd like a dinner first."
We busted up in hysterics with me switching back and forth between laughter and howls of pain.
I still had wax on me when I got home.
At least I would look good in my new low riser bikini bottoms!
If I didn't have cellulite.
When we walked out for me to settle my (discounted) bill, every person in the salon was looking at us in horror.
I wonder if that salon will ever schedule a wax ever again.
I wonder why it was soooo busy for a Tuesday.
Moving on. My BFF/ Partner in Crime Mandy and I decided we should go CAMPING!
Arielle+Nature= no bueno.
We arrived at the Lava Hot Springs KOA and it was time to set up camp!
Good thing Mandy can set up a tent. Or we'd be sleeping in the car.
And by the way I'm SO good at shouting out instruction. Not GIVING them. SHOUTING them.
We checked out the bathrooms.
KOA is the ONLY way ANYBODY will get me to sleep in a tent.
Holy pooper these bathrooms were prettier than mine! And I have a pretty bathroom. I was really tempted to tell Mandy that I had the runs and just put my sleeping bag on the floor and sleep there.
Next we had to make a fire.
Correction: MANDY had to make a fire. And I had to instructions to shout out so my job was easy. My job was to sit. And drink bitch beers.
Marshall, Mandy's boyfriend gave us firewood. Correction: he thought we were going to build a deck so he gave us wood for that. After lighting every napkin that came from Mandy's car (and she's a mom so she has ALOT of napkins) and thinking like the girl's we are and spraying the wood with hairspray (which didn't work, which disappoints me because I always envisioned burning the face of a home intruder with a lighter and a can of hairspray...if I owned a lighter,) We FINALLY got a fire going (correction: Mandy FINALLY got a fire going.). The night was miserable. I had 5 blankets and my sleeping bag and I was still freezing. And my back was KILLING me.There's a reason why God made beds. I was not meant to sleep on the ground like a chipmunk. Ew. The next morning we hit the hot pools. I can see why I was soooo worried about my cellulite. All the hotties from the home were there. Seriously. I think Maple Acres Senior Center took a field trip that day. After that I broke out in nasty hives got a horrid sunburn and was miserable the rest of the day. But we decided against the camping food (thank God) and went to the Chuckwagon Cafe (or something like that) and had the best Green Chile Corn Chowder EVER! It was like Jesus had seen all the misery I had been going through and said "Here Arielle, have some yummy goodness." and then declined my credit card. (Thanks for dinner Mandy!) We had ran out of firewood (because we had to use it all the night before. Good jorb Marshall.) so we went to the KOA to buy some. And GASP the KOA had none. The only thing wrong with the KOA. So we drove around trying to find some for sale. We found a house with a crap load in the backyard. At first we were going to just jack some but then we grew a conscience (gross) and figured we should ask. So Mandy did all the talking (like usual) and I did all the...sitting (like usual). And this time we had a REAL fire with REAL firewood. (again. Good. Job. Marshall.) We drank beers and sang theme songs from kid shows and broadway show tunes (our KOA neighbors LOVED us.). And had a 30 minute conversation with a bird that said "ARWIE!" (if anyone can name the species of the bird and show me a picture I will take them to Applebees for 2 for $20.) The night was awesome. We laughed and had a great gals night. Until we had a huge lightening storm and thought we were going to die. Again. I hate nature. It ruins EVERYTHING! The next morning we awoke packed up our stuff and left the grand KOA. Overall it was a great trip and I had a friggin blast. I will never go camping again. Maaaaaybe if it's a KOA. And it's one night. And I can drink alcohol.
"Is it too hot?" Omygod YES! IT BURNS IT HURTS SOOOO BAD! KILL ME NOW!
"Nope I'm good." And I'm an idiot.
After enduring 3 strips of pain and horror she has me inspect the area to make sure I'm satisfied with the results. I don't know about all ya'lls but I'm NEVER satisfied with burn boils on my lady parts. Now she's on to the other side.
Silence....
Silence...
"Oh shit."
"That's a sentence I never want to hear a waxer say....ever."
Silence...
"I just have some wax stuck. I can get it off."
And then my waxer went to third base with me. We both looked at each other in horror after her finger slipped in a certain area associated with bikini waxing.
"Wow. And I'm paying YOU. Usually I'd like a dinner first."
We busted up in hysterics with me switching back and forth between laughter and howls of pain.
I still had wax on me when I got home.
At least I would look good in my new low riser bikini bottoms!
If I didn't have cellulite.
When we walked out for me to settle my (discounted) bill, every person in the salon was looking at us in horror.
I wonder if that salon will ever schedule a wax ever again.
I wonder why it was soooo busy for a Tuesday.
Moving on. My BFF/ Partner in Crime Mandy and I decided we should go CAMPING!
Arielle+Nature= no bueno.
We arrived at the Lava Hot Springs KOA and it was time to set up camp!
Good thing Mandy can set up a tent. Or we'd be sleeping in the car.
And by the way I'm SO good at shouting out instruction. Not GIVING them. SHOUTING them.
We checked out the bathrooms.
KOA is the ONLY way ANYBODY will get me to sleep in a tent.
Holy pooper these bathrooms were prettier than mine! And I have a pretty bathroom. I was really tempted to tell Mandy that I had the runs and just put my sleeping bag on the floor and sleep there.
Next we had to make a fire.
Correction: MANDY had to make a fire. And I had to instructions to shout out so my job was easy. My job was to sit. And drink bitch beers.
Marshall, Mandy's boyfriend gave us firewood. Correction: he thought we were going to build a deck so he gave us wood for that. After lighting every napkin that came from Mandy's car (and she's a mom so she has ALOT of napkins) and thinking like the girl's we are and spraying the wood with hairspray (which didn't work, which disappoints me because I always envisioned burning the face of a home intruder with a lighter and a can of hairspray...if I owned a lighter,) We FINALLY got a fire going (correction: Mandy FINALLY got a fire going.). The night was miserable. I had 5 blankets and my sleeping bag and I was still freezing. And my back was KILLING me.There's a reason why God made beds. I was not meant to sleep on the ground like a chipmunk. Ew. The next morning we hit the hot pools. I can see why I was soooo worried about my cellulite. All the hotties from the home were there. Seriously. I think Maple Acres Senior Center took a field trip that day. After that I broke out in nasty hives got a horrid sunburn and was miserable the rest of the day. But we decided against the camping food (thank God) and went to the Chuckwagon Cafe (or something like that) and had the best Green Chile Corn Chowder EVER! It was like Jesus had seen all the misery I had been going through and said "Here Arielle, have some yummy goodness." and then declined my credit card. (Thanks for dinner Mandy!) We had ran out of firewood (because we had to use it all the night before. Good jorb Marshall.) so we went to the KOA to buy some. And GASP the KOA had none. The only thing wrong with the KOA. So we drove around trying to find some for sale. We found a house with a crap load in the backyard. At first we were going to just jack some but then we grew a conscience (gross) and figured we should ask. So Mandy did all the talking (like usual) and I did all the...sitting (like usual). And this time we had a REAL fire with REAL firewood. (again. Good. Job. Marshall.) We drank beers and sang theme songs from kid shows and broadway show tunes (our KOA neighbors LOVED us.). And had a 30 minute conversation with a bird that said "ARWIE!" (if anyone can name the species of the bird and show me a picture I will take them to Applebees for 2 for $20.) The night was awesome. We laughed and had a great gals night. Until we had a huge lightening storm and thought we were going to die. Again. I hate nature. It ruins EVERYTHING! The next morning we awoke packed up our stuff and left the grand KOA. Overall it was a great trip and I had a friggin blast. I will never go camping again. Maaaaaybe if it's a KOA. And it's one night. And I can drink alcohol.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
I'm Just A Bill, Yeah I'm Only A Bill
You know what I LOOOOOVE? Facebook fights. They are HA-larious. I love reading them and then commenting right in the middle of heat. Usually I like to comment irrelevant stuff just to piss people off. Things such as "my crayon bleeds purple." and "So my period started today." I love how these people are FRIENDS! HA! It's so great. And it's always about dumb stuff like politics. And then everyone joins against one person. And I kinda feel bad for that person but then again, it's their own damn fault for not learning social skills. Or taking medication to at least pretend they have social skills.
I have no idea what good or bad Obama has done in office, and frankly I don't want you to tell me. I have no opinion on abortion 1.) because I'm not a unborn fetus. 2.) I'm not knocked up 3.) I'm not God. I don't think a grostky 80 yr old senator from Delaware should have an opinion either. because 1.) he's not an unborn fetus. 2.) He's not knocked up(and if he is,he better be for Gay marriage...) and 3.) even though he probably thinks he is...he's not God either. Don't ask me what's the situation in Libya because I didn't know that was country until like 5 weeks ago. And the only thing I know about Senatorial shtuff and other political things are limited to what was shown on School of Rock. This is what I do know:
I'm ECSTATIC Bin Laden is dead.
I think the government is taking way to much out of my paycheck and I really don't know why but I'll forgive them because they give it back.
We are always saving other countries asses when they have a "natural disaster" or a "war" but last time I checked, no one was hauling ass over here when Katrina hit or when Alabama had a shit-load of tornadoes.
I wasn't planning on inviting ANY political figure to my wedding soooo...why do they care who I am marrying if they don't get a choice of chicken or steak at the reception.
And I will vote for whoever wants to fund my college education.
I used to be really in the dark about current events. I never watched the news until one day I met the silverfox of my dreams: Anderson Cooper.
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GUY???!!! He's delicious. Even Simon Cowell can't pull off a tight Under Armor Tee while hanging on to a flagpole in the middle of a hurricane/ bloody revolution. I don't care if he is only 2 years younger than my mother (hands off lady I dibs first). The man ages like a GOD! You would think all the sorrow and horror this dude has seen he would AT LEAST have worry wrinkles. None my friends...none. I always dreamed that one day I will amaze him with my spunky political knowledge and before you know it Im picking out his tie for the next gripping episode of ANDERSON COOPER 360! Every night at 8pm I'm all about government budgets and political scandals, and human suffering and whatever. The man could be doing a report on staplers and I'm HOOKED. Alot of people think he's gay. If this is true I would be in grieving for like 6 months. I have NO problem with homosexuals. I have awesome friends who are gay and I love that they are happy with their lifestyle. I'm all for Gay rights. I just don't like the men I find attractive gay. Which I think is understandable. Sooooo anyways. My chances of meeting Anderson Cooper are the same of Charlie Sheen becoming normal. So I will continue pretending I know what they are talking about when they say "health care reform" and "government shutdowns" (that was reallllly lame by the way, way to work everyone up and then hang us out to dry.) And I will continue interrupting people's persnickety facebook fights. You have been warned losers.
I have no idea what good or bad Obama has done in office, and frankly I don't want you to tell me. I have no opinion on abortion 1.) because I'm not a unborn fetus. 2.) I'm not knocked up 3.) I'm not God. I don't think a grostky 80 yr old senator from Delaware should have an opinion either. because 1.) he's not an unborn fetus. 2.) He's not knocked up(and if he is,he better be for Gay marriage...) and 3.) even though he probably thinks he is...he's not God either. Don't ask me what's the situation in Libya because I didn't know that was country until like 5 weeks ago. And the only thing I know about Senatorial shtuff and other political things are limited to what was shown on School of Rock. This is what I do know:
I'm ECSTATIC Bin Laden is dead.
I think the government is taking way to much out of my paycheck and I really don't know why but I'll forgive them because they give it back.
We are always saving other countries asses when they have a "natural disaster" or a "war" but last time I checked, no one was hauling ass over here when Katrina hit or when Alabama had a shit-load of tornadoes.
I wasn't planning on inviting ANY political figure to my wedding soooo...why do they care who I am marrying if they don't get a choice of chicken or steak at the reception.
And I will vote for whoever wants to fund my college education.
I used to be really in the dark about current events. I never watched the news until one day I met the silverfox of my dreams: Anderson Cooper.
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GUY???!!! He's delicious. Even Simon Cowell can't pull off a tight Under Armor Tee while hanging on to a flagpole in the middle of a hurricane/ bloody revolution. I don't care if he is only 2 years younger than my mother (hands off lady I dibs first). The man ages like a GOD! You would think all the sorrow and horror this dude has seen he would AT LEAST have worry wrinkles. None my friends...none. I always dreamed that one day I will amaze him with my spunky political knowledge and before you know it Im picking out his tie for the next gripping episode of ANDERSON COOPER 360! Every night at 8pm I'm all about government budgets and political scandals, and human suffering and whatever. The man could be doing a report on staplers and I'm HOOKED. Alot of people think he's gay. If this is true I would be in grieving for like 6 months. I have NO problem with homosexuals. I have awesome friends who are gay and I love that they are happy with their lifestyle. I'm all for Gay rights. I just don't like the men I find attractive gay. Which I think is understandable. Sooooo anyways. My chances of meeting Anderson Cooper are the same of Charlie Sheen becoming normal. So I will continue pretending I know what they are talking about when they say "health care reform" and "government shutdowns" (that was reallllly lame by the way, way to work everyone up and then hang us out to dry.) And I will continue interrupting people's persnickety facebook fights. You have been warned losers.
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