Monday, January 28, 2013

This Post Has Everything! Vodka! Birth Control! Crying!

I know I say it a lot in my posts, but winter can suck it. I am SO tired of snow and ice and cold and bad commutes! And the sad thing with Utah is that we never know when it will start and when it will end. It can start in October or it can start in January. It can end in March or it can end in May! We've had snow in June before! People in Alaska are like "Shut up." But um, I don't live in Alaska for a reason. 
So Saturday I had a Girls Day! Oh I needed it bad. The only two adults I interact with during the week is my boss and Brody, I only interact with one other person duing the week...and it's the 20 month old Toddler that I watch. So I interact with two girls during the whole week. One is a professional interaction and one is all about coloring and singing "The Wheels On The Bus.". Yeah, by Friday I was pretty much to my limit. So much so that I began crying because Brody was watching some manly movie and I just wanted to watch Sex and the City. (more about this crying thing later...) I fell asleep by by bowl of Top Ramen at 8:45. On a friday night. I may look like a 23 year old but man, sometimes I think I'm closer to 70. 
Yeah. That's me. So on Saturday I woke up a little bit before 7am. And I watched a marathon of Golden Girls. (refer to comment above about me being 70). I went over to my friend Jamie's house around 130 and AWESOMEST GIRL DAY commenced. Which consisted of Chik-Fil-A (and watching a girl steal an entire basket of mints...klepto...I suspect she was one of those YOLO tardhats.) getting me drunk (150 proof does 2 things for Arielle: 1.) gets her wasted SUPER fast. 2.) Makes her magically know the words to "Love Is A Battlefield.") going to Maverick drunk, Jamie finding out that if I laugh REALLY hard I snort (this is how I made friends in summer camp.) more laughter, and awesome girl talks. I REALLY needed this girls day. I felt like a brand new chick afterwards. Probably due to the 150 proof vodka that was now pumping through my blood stream. But whatever,. So Brody came and picked me up after his boys night (boy need to have their bromances just as much as girls need their gal pals) I forgot that if I'm really drunk I get the shivers really bad, so Brody, who was dying of heat, had to blast the heat all the way home. The next day Brody left to go snowboarding and I nursed my mega-hangover. And it began to snow...again. On his way home from boarding Brody's car slid off the road and got stuck. Um. Scariest voicemail I ever received. Oh and the best part is, they no longer make chargers for my phone so I only have one for my car and my phone is almost dead, my car is at Jamie's house. Yeah. Awesome. So after worrying and worrying Brody finally got home. After a quick dinner we left go to get my car. Now the roads are covered in snow. No plows in sight (way to go). It takes us about an hour to get to Jamie's and the ride home was SUPER stressful. I was going 20 mph and still sliding everywhere. There are idiots in HUGE trucks going like 70 mph and sliding everywhere and semi passing me and blowing snow onto my car and they can't stay in their own lane. I was on the verge of tears the whole way home.

 When I got home, I was so stressed my stomach was in knots. All my stress goes into my stomach and my shoulder blades. If I'm really stressed I toss my cookies and you can actually see the knots coming out of my shoulder blades. I did both of those things last night. We were so exhausted by the end of the night that we just went to bed. By 9 pm. 

So more about the whole "crying over the fact that I can't watch a TV show." Over the past 4 or 5 months I have been really anxious, depressed, and moody, all I want to do is sleep and I have no appetite at all. It started out as only feeling that way on my period. But about 2 months ago it started the week before my period. Now it is ALL the time. Well not all the time, I have my good moments. But I have also been hiding it A LOT. I'll have huge panic attacks or anxiety attacks when Brody's not home. I always get these huge attacks and think he is going to leave me or cheat on me (which in my sane state of mind I know he would NEVER do that) I get really mad or irritated with people and they don't even do anything. I have been trying SO hard not to lash out at Brody because he never deserves to be treated that way. But sometimes I do and up til last night he had no idea why. Last night when he got home I was seriously to the end of my rope and couldn't hold on anymore. The whole day yesterday I was anxious, depressed and weepy. I tried not to be when he got home because the whole snow situaton really stressed him out and I didn't want to stress him more but then the lightbulb went off. I started feeling super moody about a month after I switched birth control. I got online and researched it and found out alot of other women had the same issue. At that point I was just so relieved to know it wasn't me and it was something that could be fixed, that I started getting emotional and shaking. I finally told Brody and now I am going to talk to my doctor about switching, I am so happy that I can finally feel normal again. If anyone has any recommendations let me know please!!!
Back on the moving out of state front. Brody is getting more and more serious about the moving. I asked for one more year. I would really like to move back up near Roy where we are closer to family and friends and maybe next winter won't be as bad as this winter was. So we are still not set in concrete about our decision. I think I am more back and forth about this whole moving thing than Brody is. But I know that if it is meant to be it will happen and the universe will show us what we need to do. That's how it always works, doesn't it?  

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