Wednesday, January 30, 2013

We Are Never Ever Ever Procreating. (Sing to the tune of that Super Dumb Taylor Swift song)

The last few days have been really awesome birth control. If it goes on for very much longer I think I'll just scrape my internal sexual organs out with a noodle ladle. 
Yesterday I was puked on, sneezed on and cried at for 8 hours. I tried tv shows, books, bottles, binkies, nothing would work. The second I got in the car I lost it. Like compulsive sobbing lost it. When I got home Brody said he wanted to take me out to dinner. I looked down at my puked stain shirt and started to cry again. When I left this morning my shirt and pants were clean my hair was in a cute little bun, now half my hair is out and my pants are also soaked in puke. Yummy. 
I showered and changed into some clothes that were not covered in snot and puke and we had dinner at a Sushi restaurant. It was totally different for us to do since it was a Tuesday night. I really appreciate that Brody did that for me and us. We haven't done something spontaneous like that in a long time!
In other news. I just found out that I will have my Discover Card paid off in April....YAAAY! So happy that I will have one thing done and can start paying another bill off. But I did the math and if I keep paying what I'm paying'll take me 22 years to pay everything off. Yeah. I'm back at the drawing board.
I was speaking to an old friend the other day about everything that was going on. She was really surprised that I "quit" Slumber Parties. I put that in quotations because it's more of a "hiatus" then "quitting". 
"But you were SO good at it and it seemed like such a natural fit for you!"
"Yeah I know but if I'm going to have my own business I want to have the time and the money to invest in it. With the blog and the job, I just don't have time. Should I stop blogging?"
"NO! If you do that not only will people miss you, but you have a really amazing talent with writing and you would be wasting it. If anything quit the job and do Slumber Parties and the blogging." 
"I WISH! But I would need time to put my name out and get more clients and add more stock and like I said, time and money. I mean it's not like I need to spend like a thousand dollars but I'm more concerned with bills. And I'm trying to save up for Real Estate school."
"Yeah, why are you doing that? Not saying you wouldn't be great or that you shouldn't do it but just wondering."
"I need a job with ADULT interaction, I need a job that makes the dough, everyday is different and I love customer service...when people aren't dumb."
"Honey I hate to burst your bubble....but didn't you just describe Slumber Parties?"
...................."Uh...yeah...I did." 
"Ok so how much a month are you saving up for school?"
"Well it costs $500 I'm putting away maybe $40 a month. And then the test cost something and then I have to pay to belong to some realtor club thingy. So I'm like a too legit to quit realtor person."
"So let's just aim big here and say it'll cost you $1000 to do everything you need to do."
"Okey dokey."
"If you had saved that would you rather put it towards Slumber Parties...or real estate?"
"Can I ask the audience? Or phone a friend?"
"There's no correct answer Ari. It's just up to you."
"You know...sometimes I would really like to find the manual that came with me when I was born and flip to chapter 23 and see what I'm supposed to do."
"Don't say the only manual is the Bible or quote that Natasha Bedingfield song and say my life is a book and I am the author or some cheesy shit like that."
"Holy shit....that was exactly what I was going to say." 
I still don't know what I want to do. I get so frustrated because it seems like every 10 minutes I change my mind. It makes me feel really angry at myself. I hate that I am SO indecisive. Every time I change my mind I feel like I am not acting like a responsible adult. When I was in high school if I changed what I wanted to do when I "grew up" there were a lot of teachers and tutors who would make fun of me or not support me and it hurt. And I still feel that way today. I know that it annoys Brody sometimes when it comes to certain things. It's something that I really don't like about myself and wish I could change it. I also wish there was those big ass signs that you would see and then you knew the answer. I never had one of those. I never had a defining moment where I said "I KNOW I should be doing this." Except for when I realized I would like to do Slumber Parties. But I don't know if I was ready for that responsibility at that time. I would LOVE to change this part of my brain. But how do you start? Was there something you did not like about yourself mentally, emotionally or spiritually so you changed it? And how did you do it?
Well there is one thing that I DO know. And that is: I am very good at sleeping. If anyone needed a professional sleeper, I'd be the chick. So I do believe that I will be taking my indecisive ass to bed and I will sleep on all the questions I am pondering. Stay classy interwebs. 

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